Josh Duggar, Allison Williams’s ass, unbridled panic, Bieber dick, Lenny Kravitz dick, horny moms, and that stupid goddamn dress. These are the posts you monsters clicked on the most this year. Why not click on them again?
Since it hit Tumblr yesterday, the image below has started an internet schism that may never be healed. Some maniacs, it seems, see the dress as gold and white, while other completely reasonable people see it as blue and black.
Have you noticed anything odd going on this morning? Oh yes. Let us be the first to tell you that the time to panic is upon us.
In 2013, conservative reality TV star Josh Duggar—of TLC’s 19 Kids and Counting fame—was named the executive director of the Family Research Council, a conservative lobbying group in D.C. which seeks “to champion marriage and family as the foundation of civilization, the seedbed of virtue, and the wellspring of society.” During that time, he also maintained a paid account on Ashley Madison, a web site created for the express purpose of cheating on your spouse.
In the case of Justin Bieber’s dick, the verdict is now in.
“I want to get away, I want to fly away,” is what I assume Lenny Kravitz’s dick was singing to itself when it fell out of his pants yesterday at a concert in Stockholm.
Vani Hari, AKA the Food Babe, has amassed a loyal following in her Food Babe Army. The recent subject of profiles and interviews in the New York Times, the New York Post and New York Magazine, Hari implores her soldiers to petition food companies to change their formulas. She’s also written a bestselling book telling you that you can change your life in 21 days by “breaking free of the hidden toxins in your life.” She and her army are out to change the world.
In 2006, Oprah Winfrey canceled an appearance on her show by Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar, the parents whose 15 children had made them famous not just to fellow evangelical Christians but to the secular world as well.
Unretouched photos from Justin Bieber’s Calvin Klein shoot acquired by BreatheHeavy.com show that editing software blessed the lil’ skater boy with a brand new penis as well as body hair. The GIF below illustrates his miraculous transformation from boy to man.
An Evans, Ga., mom faces charges of contributing to the delinquency of a minor after she told her Alcoholics Anonymous sponsor that she threw a drunken, naked Twister party for her teen daughter and her friends. The sponsor responded to the randy mom’s plea for help by narcing her out to the sheriff’s department.
Only a few minutes ago, the entire music industry stood on a stage in a collective display of how rich and out of touch they are. They think you are willing to pay up to double the price of other streaming music services to pay for their streaming music service, because they are crazy.
After today’s earlier revelation of Josh Duggar’s paid Ashley Madison account hit, tipsters and Twitter are pointing out that if you search Josh Duggar’s highly unique Ashley Madison email handle, “joesmithsonnwa,” this OKCupid profile is the only other result you get.
Jon Stewart’s monologue tonight was an impassioned, frustrated meditation on the Charleston shooting and other recent tragedies. “I didn’t do my job today,” he said. “I’ve got nothing for you in terms of jokes and sounds, because of what happened in South Carolina.”
Looks like we all got it all wrong again: that Ohio State fan whose spot was blown the hell up for allegedly fondling her side-action live on ESPN? That’s her boyfriend, who she probably loves more than anything in your life.
The Alpha Tau Omega chapter at Indiana University is suspended tonight, after a video depicting what looks like a horrific hazing ceremony surfaced on Twitter. In it, a student appears to be forced to perform oral sex on a woman—it’s unclear if either is consenting.
On January 27, 1991, at a record-release party for the rap duo Bytches With Problems in Hollywood, producer/rapper/then-N.W.A. member Dr. Dre brutally attacked Dee Barnes, the host of a well-known Fox show about hip-hop called Pump It Up! Dre was reportedly angry about a Pump It Up! segment hosted by Barnes that aired in November 1990. The report focused on N.W.A., and concluded with a clip of Ice Cube, who had recently left the group, insulting his former colleagues. Soon after the attack, Barnes described it in interviews: She said Dre attempted to throw her down a flight of stairs, slammed her head against a wall, kicked her, and stomped on her fingers. Dre later told Rolling Stone, “It ain’t no big thing – I just threw her through a door.” He pleaded no contest to assault charges. Barnes’s civil suit against Dre was settled out of court.
According to its publisher, at the spike of its popularity, two copies of E.L. James’ 50 Shades of Grey trilogy were being sold every second. In accessible terms, that works out to more than one hundred million copies sold, to date.
In this clip, a CNN anchor and editor fail to recognize that what they have identified as an “ISIS flag” is actually a flag of dildos and butt plugs, rendered in the style of ISIS.
Bad news for Kylie Jenner: not only are you dating Tyga, a widely mocked rapper who had to release his recent album for free because nobody wanted to hear it, but your widely mocked rapper boyfriend is sending dick pics to people who are not you—including a transgender actress named Mia Isabella, who has gone ahead and provided the receipts.
According to a sealed 2006 police report obtained by inTouch Weekly, Josh Duggar, the oldest son of TLC’s 19 Kids and Counting brood, confessed to allegedly molesting at least five underage girls when he was a teenager—including, TMZ reports, his sisters. And his parents, Jim Bob and Michelle, worked overtime to hide the scandal for several years.
A brief video surfaced earlier today that purports to show 19-year-old Vine “celeb” Carter Reynolds attempting to push 16-year-old ex-girlfriend (and social media starlet) Maggie Lindemann into oral sex.
The popular Christian vlogger Sam Rader—best known for “surprising” his wife with her own positive pregnancy test in a viral video—had a paid account on the cheating website Ashley Madison in 2013, the Daily Mail reports. Sam is a leader in a new industry of online evangelism, posting daily videos of his upstanding, Jesus-loving family for hundreds of thousands of subscribers.
Heidi Klum struts down a runway and for a moment the stretch appears to ominously resemble a gang plank. At the end of Klum’s long walk waits a tall, thin woman with gleaming white teeth, giddily anticipating a grabby, waist-level embrace between them. Klum, a seasoned runway model, side-steps to the music once or twice, shuffling her feet to the right—one-two—and then to the left—one-two—and with every step, she looks like she’s slowing down, delaying her arrival to the stage’s finish, where she’ll be left to fend for herself in the loose hungry limbs of twenty-five-year-old Taylor Swift: pop star, diva, immaculate bestie.
The scenario I’m about to describe has happened to me more times than I can count, in more cities than I can remember, mostly in Western cities here in the U.S. and Europe.
Today’s New York Daily News cover shows yesterday’s murder of an CBS reporter in Virginia from the perspective of her killer. It’s horrific, graphic, and gruesome—and it’s important that everyone looks at it.
Hoping to impress the teachers at his new school, an Irving, Texas, high school freshman named Ahmed Mohamed brought a homemade clock with him to MacArthur High Monday morning, which he’d assembled before bed the night before. When he showed it to those teachers, though, they were something other than impressed, and by Monday afternoon, Mohamed was being led out of school in handcuffs. Ahmed’s English teacher believed the device was a bomb.
On Saturday, video was uploaded to Youtube of police officers screaming at and arresting children at a community pool in Texas. One officer, confronted by two boys while grabbing a young girl by the neck and shoving her head towards the ground, pulls his gun and points it at them.
“It’s yours to try!” Marc Jacobs wrote on Instagram last night. He was talking about his bare ass.
Controversy Over Child Bride Courtney Stodden’s Sex Tape Culminates in Release of Bizarre Ice-Cream-and-Sprinkles Video
Vivid released child-bride-turned-adult-performer Courtney Stodden’s “unique” masturbation video—now titled “Courtney Uncovered’—today, ahead of schedule. And what’s so unique about it? Oh, just Courtney melting an ice cream cone between her immense fake breasts.
On Me Against the World, the 1995 album from Tupac Shakur, the prodigious rapper foretells his death. “I’m having visions of leaving here in a hearse/ God can ya feel me?/ Take me away from all the pressure/ and all the pain/ show me some happiness again,” he raps on “So Many Tears.” Eighteen months later, while riding in the passenger seat under the iridescent glow of the Las Vegas strip with Marion “Suge” Knight at the wheel, Tupac was gunned down and mortally wounded. Or was he?
A WDBJ live report appears to have ended in gunshots after a gunman apparently began firing at the news crew early Wednesday morning.
Years after Swedish distance runner Mikael Ekvall crapped his shorts in the midst of a half-marathon, his photo still shows up on Facebook. You might’ve seen it with a “fail” caption or a demotivational poster—played-out viral image formats that were de rigueur at the time—or in any number of “world’s most embarrassing photos” compilations. Clearly, people still haven’t gotten over Ekvall’s uncomfortable grimace and the liquified shit trickling down his legs.
The San Bernardino county sheriff has confirmed the presence of an active shooter near the 1300 block of S. Waterman in San Bernardino, CA. At least 12 people are dead, with another 20 reportedly injured.
Before this week, when reality star and conservative political activist Joshua Duggar admitted to molesting several underage girls, including his own sisters, what most people knew about the Duggar family could be counted on two fingers: They have 19—19!—kids, and they’re extremely religious Christians.
Why were evangelical reality star and conservative political activist Josh Duggar’s parents Jim Bob and Michelle so slow to act on the revelation that their eldest son had molested his younger sisters—and, ultimately, so lenient? Documents about sexual abuse from the cult-like homeschooling program the family follows—which focus on public image and lay heavy blame on the victims of assault—may help answer the question.
Noted asshole Donald Trump recently made asshole history, giving a goddamn presidential campaign announcement so racist that the network responsible for Outsourced was uncomfortable remaining associated with him.
A few months ago we got an email from a tipster who said he was awaiting a phone call from Louis C.K., who will host the final episode of Saturday Night Live’s 40th season this weekend. The subject of their phone call was sexual misconduct allegations made by the tipster’s friend against the comedian.
Tommy Craggs, the executive editor of Gawker Media, and Max Read, the editor-in-chief of Gawker.com, are resigning from the company.
Former Reddit CEO Yishan Wong is having a goddamn ball this week, bouncing around announcement threads and spilling site secrets to his heart’s content. His latest big reveal: Reddit’s board has been itching to purge the site of users’ precious hate-based subreddits since the beginning. And recently, the only thing stopping them had been... Ellen Pao. Whoops.
The Duggar family just released a statement from Josh on their personal website in which Josh not only confirms the fact that he has been “unfaithful” to his wife, but he also confesses to having developed a “secret addiction” to pornography over the past several years.
Katy Perry’s Super Bowl halftime performance featured a six-song medley, a dancing shark who knew all the steps, and a dancing shark who stole the show.
Via Twitter users @HenryKrinkle and @EMQuangel, here is what appears to be Charleston shooter Dylann Roof’s racist manifesto. “The event that truly awakened me was the Trayvon Martin case,” the author of this document writes. “I can say today that I am completely racially aware.”
Bryce Williams, the alleged shooter from this morning’s on-air murders in Roanoke, VA, has posted videos of the shooting to his Twitter and Facebook accounts, both of which have since been suspended. The first video posted to Twitter shows Williams approaching reporter Alison Parker and cameraman Adam Ward as they interview Vicki Gardner on live on WDBJ.
World Wrestling Entertainment, Inc. has cut ties with the professional wrestler Hulk Hogan, reportedly due to sealed transcripts quoted by the National Enquirer and Radar on Friday morning in which Hogan (real name: Terry Bollea) refers to black people as “fucking niggers” and admits that “I am a racist, to a point.”
Last week, 19 Kids and Counting’s Josh Duggar admitted that he molested his sisters when he was a teenager. Though his parents Jim Bob and Michelle successfully helped him avoid prosecution for his crimes, a couple of men have defended the way the Duggars handled the abusive situation in their home. Mike Huckabee has stood by the family in the wake of the scandal, and Jessa Duggar’s father-in-law Michael Seewald has attested that Jim Bob and Michelle “acted in a way that godly parents should.”
While tonight’s Late Show interview with Bernie Sanders was absent any of the respective tears or deep, deep discomfort that characterized Colbert’s two biggest moments so far (and at least compared to every other candidate interview we’ve seen), Sanders still manages to leave you with the impression that the man is just so goddamn human.
The increasing legality of marijuana means one thing: Pot is very easy to buy and no longer cool to do. To fill this thrill-void, our country’s idiots are turning to insane substances like krokodil, bath salts, jenkum, meow meow and now flakka, transforming into psychotic murder machines in the process. Or so local news would have us believe.
Police in Ohio say a spooky Halloween decoration of a dead woman hanging from a fence was actually a dead woman hanging from a fence. Her alleged killer is currently being held on a $2 million bond and holy shit this story is awful.
The popular Christian vlogger Sam Rader—best known for “surprising” his wife with her own positive pregnancy test in a viral video—has admitted to using an account on the cheating website Ashley Madison. In a YouTube video with his wife Nia by his side, Sam claims that God has forgiven him for seeking extramarital sexual partners online.
Donald Trump, the 69-year-old New York real estate mogul and unrepentant bigot, continues to dominate the Republican presidential primary polls. Trump’s sudden ascendance, accelerated by his willingness to insult virtually any ostensible ally within the conservative movement, has left GOP leaders dumbfounded. How did this caricature of a Republican politician, who has never held elected office, and whose personal ideology is remarkably fluid, usurp more experienced, more conservative, and better-funded candidates like Jeb Bush and Scott Walker?
Americans love to curse, no fucking question. Fuck this, fuck that, bitchass motherfucking cuntsucker jerk titslut, etc., etc. The question is, which of these bad-boy words are favored where? Who says “fuck” the most? Who says “asshole” the least? Is there a “shit” belt? (As it turns out, yes: From New York City down to the Gulf Coast.)
A family has been forced to flee their new $1.3 million home in Westfield, New Jersey, after repeatedly receiving threatening packages from a person who calls themselves “the Watcher,” according to a lawsuit filed against the previous owners of the home.
Celebrity Magazine is the celebrity magazine of choice for Scientologists everywhere. A recent issue features a lengthy interview with longtime believer Laura Prepon, who talks unguardedly about the religion/cult in a manner that is usually shrouded from outsiders.
Last month, American reality show entertainer turned American political system entertainer Donald Trump publicized presidential rival Sen. Lindsey Graham’s cell number, urging his supporters to “try it.” In the spirit of open and fair political debate, we now bring you Trump’s number.
Erin Burnett really tried, bless her heart, to imagine a reason why it might be inappropriate to refer to protesting black Baltimore teenagers as thugs.
In a 2013 interview with Joe Fassler, horror fiction maestro Stephen King reflected on the magnitude of a novel’s introductory sentence. “An opening line should invite the reader to begin the story,” he said. “It should say: Listen. Come in here. You want to know about this.” The first sentence sets the stage—however long or short the text—and hints at the “narrative vehicle” by which the writer will propel the book forward.
Earlier today, the National Enquirer ran a story alleging that 60 Minutes correspondent Steve Kroft has been cheating on his wife, the journalist Jenny Conant, with a Manhattan lawyer named Lisan Goines for over 3 years. Now the 69-year-old Kroft has confirmed the Enquirer’s scoop, which drew from extensive text message conversations between the paramours, in a statement to the New York Post.
A coordinated terror attack in Paris that included multiple bombings and shooting rampages, and culminated in a hostage situation at a crowded rock concert left at least 100 people dead and dozens more injured.
This morning, ISIS released a gruesome new video showing the execution of 16 prisoners. Five of the prisoners were filmed as they slowly drowned inside a metal cage while four others were blown up by an RPG as they were handcuffed inside a car. Another seven were killed by explosives that an ISIS member had strapped around their necks.
Two days ago, Native American extras on Adam Sandler’s new Netflix movie The Ridiculous Six walked off the set due to the film’s portrayal of Native Americans. In response, Netflix defended the film as a “broad satire” in which those being made fun of are “in on the joke.” So, who’s right? Well, we got our hands on the script, so everyone can judge for themselves.
If you tried to visit r/IAmA (one of Reddit’s biggest subs) recently, you were probably greeted by the image above. And if you’ve been absolutely anywhere else on the site at all in the past few hours, you probably noticed that everyone is flipping their collective shit over speculation that Victoria Taylor, the high-profile coordinator that kept IAmA afloat, was suddenly and mysteriously fired. Also, something about Jesse Jackson.
Last week, a young woman on spring break near Panama City, Florida was photographed in the nude, covered in Mardi Gras beads, and surrounded by shirtless men. Images of the woman began circulating on social media, and now authorities have launched a campaign to make sure the unnamed spring breaker is okay, the Panama City News Herald reports.
L. Ron Hubbard began Scientology’s “Project Celebrity” in 1955, offering a list of 63 high-profile targets and a “small plaque” as a reward to anyone who successfully brought the likes of Bob Hope and Ernest Hemingway into the church. “There are many to whom America and the world listens...” Scientology’s blustery founder wrote in a newsletter announcing the plan. “It is obvious what would happen to Scientology if prime communicators benefitting from it would mention it now and then.” Sixty years later, was Project Celebrity a success?
This weekend, in the wake of last week’s racially-motivated mass shooting in Charleston, a Texas woman claimed on Facebook that she’d been brutally beaten by three black men outside a Texarkana Walmart store. It now appears as though she made the whole thing up.
Three weeks ago, a Nassau County Supreme Court justice ended a bitter three-year custody dispute between Fox News anchor Bill O’Reilly and his ex-wife, Maureen McPhilmy, by granting custody of the couple’s two minor children to McPhilmy. Though nearly all documents pertaining to New York family court cases are sealed, Gawker has learned that the justice in the case heard testimony accusing O’Reilly of physically assaulting his wife in the couple’s Manhasset home.
Is this photo, which surfaced mysteriously online Monday and was immediately employed by the Pro Era rap crew to promote their official merchandise on Instagram, in fact a photo of Malia Obama, or just a very very very close doppelgänger?
Tom Hardy is known for many things: His lead roles in Inception and Mad Max: Fury Road; his embrace of feminism; his intense love for dogs; his shape-shifting beard; his pillowy lips. But among his (many) gay fans, the 37-year-old British actor is perhaps best known for something very different: Admitting, and later denying he admitted, that he used to have sex with men.
On Wednesday, 19 Kids and Counting parents Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar confirmed many of the allegations concerning their son, Josh, who molested four of their children and a babysitter by the age of fifteen. But man does that family make a lot of excuses. They make so many excuses.
Draven Rodriguez, a senior at Schenectady High School in New York, whose proposed yearbook photo of him, his cat, and lasers was widely celebrated across the Internet this fall, died on Thursday at the age of 17. The Times Union reports that the cause of death was suicide.
Caitlyn Jenner, the Olympic athlete and Kardashian parent formerly known as Bruce, made her debut on the cover of Vanity Fair today, shot by Annie Leibowitz. This is the first time she has appeared in public as a woman, and damn, she looks great.
Did you recently film yourself fucking inside a fitting room in the Bejing Uniqlo store, then upload the video to the internet? Congrats: you look like you’re having a lot of fun. Also, your entire country—including the government—is watching.
I was a Scientologist for eight years. Although I identified as one I didn’t really understand what actually being a Scientologist fully entailed until after a couple of years of being heavily indoctrinated. The reality of Scientology is deceptively hidden and cleverly disguised. When I look at Scientology today, I have to forgive myself for not seeing through the manipulation sooner. I’ve spent the last 13 years keeping Scientology out of my life. It hasn’t been easy, but I’ve realized that the religion is built on a foundation of violence. I’m proud to add my voice to the many who, despite fear of retribution and humiliation, have come forward to tell of our experiences. This is my story.
ESPN aired this strange snippet of video from Ohio State’s Sugar Bowl win over Alabama yesterday, and the internet is treating it like a new Zapruder film: This embarrassed girl was clearly caught doing something with her hands, but what?
YouTube is, for the most part, the place where everything Right and Good goes to die. But move those lifeless cat and listicle corpses aside, and you’ll find a dark, fascinating world that’s all too easy to get lost in for hours. So instead of losing part of your own life to YouTube’s depths, we’ve brought the underbelly to you.
Influential tweeter Richard Dawkins, whose intellectual rigor never ceases to amaze, makes the very good, necessary, and important point that, in claiming his reassembled clock as an “invention,” Ahmed Mohamed, the 14-year-old Texas teenager arrested last week on suspicion of building a bomb, committed fraud.
Josh Duggar of TLC’s 19 Kids and Counting has confirmed to People that in 2006, as a teenager, he molested several underage girls—including some of his sisters. Duggar also announced that he will resign as executive director of the Family Research Council.
Who says you need a cock to crow? Here’s a mashup we did using the instantly notorious ass-eating scene from the Season 4 premiere of Girls and audio from Allison Williams’s embarrassing turn in Peter Pan Live.
A question on a quiz for teenage mathletes proved so tricky for Singapore newscaster Kenneth Kong that he posted it to Facebook to find a definitive answer. Now the problem has driven the entire country mad, and it’s spreading to the rest of the world.
Lost in the sea of “low-value dry dick randos” is a less-discussed dick identity and sexual practice, Small Penis Humiliation (SPH). Aficionados exercise their fetish online on Tumblrs, forums and Reddit, through webcams and chat programs, as well as in person.
On Wednesday night’s Daily Show, Jon Stewart addressed the conservative media’s treatment of an Oklahoma frat’s drunken, racist chanting as the latest in a series of isolated incidents that are totally not indicative of any larger problems of racism in America. For a brief summary of Stewart’s points, see the above photo of him flipping the bird.
Two hundred and twenty-four apparently unretouched photos of self-styled Queen Bey Beyoncé were leaked on a website called The Beyoncé World this morning, sending shockwaves across the one inhabited by all of us. They come from commercial and ad shoots for L’Oréal’s 2013 Feria and Infallible campaigns and should make you and Solange feel a little bit more secure about yourselves.
The city of Spokane, Washington, has opened an investigation into whether Rachel Dolezal, the president of the local chapter of the NAACP, lied about her race when she identified herself as African-American on her application to serve on the citizen police ombudsman commission, thereby violating the city’s code of ethics.
Authorities say a 28-year-old Texas man was attacked and killed by an alligator “almost immediately” after being warned by a bystander not to swim in the water, replying “fuck that alligator” before jumping in, Buzzfeed reports.
Last night, the actor John Travolta surprised one lucky fan when he introduced himself to the man, at the gym, where they were alone, together, at three in the morning. “I thought I was at the gym by myself at 3am,” the man wrote on Reddit, but he wasn’t, because John Travolta was there, too, being friendly, to a male stranger, at the gym, in the dead of night.
The fifth season of Fred Armisen’s hipster sketch show Portlandia premieres tonight, and if you spend enough time reading about the comedian online, you’ll be left with two impressions: First, that he’s funny and charming. And second, that his charm and humor mask something of a reputation. For what exactly depends on whom you ask, but here are some adjectives that have been used to describe him over the years: “womanizer,” “sociopath,” “traumatizing,” and, from Armisen himself, “terrible.”
A troubling bit of phone footage showing a man interrupting a couple while they fucked against a subway escalator has gone viral after someone uploaded it to LiveLeak. It would be one thing to disturb two adults in the midst of mad, passionate rutting, but the shocking reveal comes when the woman stands up, pants around her ankles, and we see ... a baby.
Either something’s going on or Chevy Chase is really nailing his impersonation of a man not living his best life.
“Make it happy!” Coca-Cola’s new marketing campaign exhorts. The campaign, introduced during a Super Bowl commercial, is accompanied by a stunt through which Twitter users reply to negative tweets with the hashtag “#MakeItHappy”; Coca-Cola then transforms those tweets into cute ASCII art. “We turned the hate you found into something happy,” @CocaCola chirps.
At 11:28 a.m. Wednesday local time, the French satirical newspaper Charlie Hebdo tweeted a cartoon of ISIS leader Abu Bakr Al-Baghdadi. “Best wishes and good health,” the caption read. Minutes after the tweet was published, three armed and masked gunmen stormed the paper’s offices and opened fire, killing ten of its staff and two police officers.
Bill Clinton took repeated trips on the “ Lolita Express”—the private passenger jet owned by billionaire pedophile Jeffrey Epstein—with an actress in softcore porn movies whose name appears in Epstein’s address book under an entry for “massages,” according to flight logbooks obtained by Gawker and published today for the first time. The logs also show that Clinton shared more than a dozen flights with a woman who federal prosecutors believe procured underage girls to sexually service Epstein and his friends and acted as a “potential co-conspirator” in his crimes.
After last night’s leak of a bizarre, sexual, and possibly non-consensual frat spectacle incident at the Indiana University chapter of Alpha Tau Omega (and a university suspension), the fraternity’s national organization has shut them down completely.
The watershed profile that accompanies Caitlyn Jenner’s debut on the cover of Vanity Fair paints a picture of a woman who is happy, healthy, and “finally free” to live her life on her terms. But of course, the path to liberation was long, winding, and hard—and not everything in Jenner’s personal life is perfect.
A software engineer living in Washington state may have no choice but to sell the home he bought last December because, despite repeatedly checking with Comcast before he even considered buying the property, the company just can’t (or won’t) give him internet service.
I graduated from Harvard in 2006, and have spent eight of the last nine years working as an admissions officer for my alma mater. A low-level volunteer, sure, but an official one all the same. I served as one of thousands of alumni volunteers around the world—a Regional Representative for my local Schools Committee, if you want to get technical. And, as a Regional Rep, my duties fell somewhere between Harvard recruiter and Harvard gatekeeper.