As the President of the Colonies said in Battlestar Galactica, if the human race is going to survive after the Googlers Cylons attack, we're gonna have to start making babies. So why does all of Silicon Valley have such a hard time getting it on?

• Sun CEO Jon Schwartz's ponytail (pictured) has a 40-mile-radius aura of unsexiness.
• As Tom Foremski found, Cox Interactive keeps blocking Craigslist. Granted, if I wanted to see Cox on Craigslist, I'd just go to m4m. But seriously, the Internet provider is keeping geeks from the only way they know how to hook up. [Silicon Valley Watcher]
• They write jokes like Wife 1.0 OS. "Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean and Sweep 3.0 , Cook It 1.5 and Do Bills 4.2." Har har. [Craigslist]
• When they actually do post ads, geeks write shit like: "I'm looking for someone who doesn't want to be a wife right now, but misses some of the aspects of being a wife. That is, taking care of a man. I'm a 35 year old bachelor, a software professional, and I'm in the middle of a project right now." Come on now, Michael Arrington — you're not really a software professional. [Craigslist]

After the jump, the "keep the damn bars open" theory.

• And who are the suave, snappily-dressed men to offset the nerds? Venture capitalists. Oh, perfect, because as admin assistant Sand Hill Slave can attest, nothing's hotter than a coked-out stripey-wearing VC associate who keeps bragging about his job. [Sand Hill Slave]
• And the women of the Valley? "Hot for Silicon Valley" isn't a slam on real looks — it's a slam on every woman who insists on wearing a pantsuit from the 90s.
• Closing time in San Francisco: 2 AM. Closing time in San Jose: 2 AM. Closing time in Cupertino: 2 AM. Come on, California lawmakers — bar-going geeks need at least another hour to loosen up.
• The bedroom's out of wifi range.

Then again, it could be worse — we could all be in Washington, with all the romance of Silicon Valley and all the intelligence of Miami.