Many presenters believe in repeating their message three times for the audience: "Tell 'em what you're gonna tell 'em. Then, tell 'em. Finally, tell 'em what you told 'em." It's a practice that comes from academia, where summaries of long, complex research papers help make them digestible.

Calacanis hates that:

Your script should never sound like this:

--> "With YouTube, you can upload videos, tag them and share them with your friends."
--> "Here we are uploading a video, tagging it and sharing it with our friends."
--> "We just uploaded a video, tagged it and we shared it with friends."

It's like kissing a cute girl and saying "I'm going to kiss you," "I'm kissing you" and "I just kissed you."

If you have limited time—and that is the case 99% of the time—I suggest just showing the product doing its thing.

(Photoillustration by AllThingsD)

The crowd was small, our spy reports — "about 20-30 people, mostly TechCrunch50 finalists." SearchMe.com was one of the finalists — "some woman even Twittered that they got in." Arrington drives a gray Porsche, and "left with a ladyfriend, didn't get to see who." (Anyone know who he's dating? Do tell!) On to the pictures!

Arrington, even as host, never could seem to crack a smile:

TechCrunch CEO Heather Harde watches from the sidelines:

Arrington and Del Conte catch up:

But in the section, "How to bond with a journalist," he suggests that "you can cut to the front of the line by spending just 30 minutes researching the journalist you're pitching." We're not sure what's creepier: (A) that Calacanis emailed the piece directly to me and very special contributor Paul Boutin, nagging us to post it, or (B) that his suggestions describe the duties of the minion he employs to monitor us.

I've gotten so obsessive about this that my liaison Tyler, whom anyone who's met with me in the last year knows, keeps tabs on our journalist and blogger contacts. He not only reads their work, he always stays in contact with them. This means we are in constant research and dialogue with the folks who are covering us. This means when we meet about a story we know as much about the journalist as they know about us—sometimes more! Tyler will hand me a stack of stories and background information on the people we're meeting with on the flight to another country so I can play catch up.

I have officially been scared into never oversharing again, lest some flack or wantrepreneur watch and wait until I'm in a vulnerable emotional state to better prey on me.

"Who's your daddy and what does he do?"

—-—-—-- Forwarded message —-—-—--
From: Chris Shipley
Date: Aug 11, 2008 5:06 PM
Subject: RE: Deb McAlister-Holland

Hey, Owen,

I am unable to find the original article, which again would have been in PC Letter pre 1996.

This is one of the advice pieces we provide to our demonstrators; I certainly wouldn't accuse Jason of plagiarizing this.

—-—-——

As you begin to develop your script, it is important to reiterate a few thoughts about what the DEMO audience expects from your presentation.

A LIVE DEMO

First and foremost, the DEMO audience expects to see a LIVE DEMO OF YOUR PRODUCT. If you are intending to do anything other than a LIVE DEMO you MUST discuss this with Chris immediately. The DEMO crowd will forgive the glitches that sometimes occur when you are giving a live demonstration; they are rather unforgiving when they discover that a company has "faked it." Don't risk your credibility to slight-of-hand attempts to deliver a canned demo as a live one.

POWERPOINT, VIDEOS, FLASH, ETC.

Second, the DEMO audience is very familiar with the "no PowerPoint" rule of the DEMO stage. No slides, no videos, no Flash animations, no clever screen savers or wall paper. You have been invited on the DEMO stage to show your product, not your graphic design skills. That said, in specific instances where the use of a visual aid enhances the audience's understanding of the product or its market, we will make exceptions to this rule.

If you are seeking an exception, keep in mind:

1. The visual must be limited to the bare minimum to communicate a key point.

2. They should always exclude extraneous marketing hype.

3. They should never take more than a minute of your on-stage time.

Remember, UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCE may you include visuals without prior approval, and then you are only permitted to show that which is approved. Clever ploys to circumvent this approval will be met with profound disappointment.

TIMING

Third, please remember that your time on stage is strictly limited. At the end of your time, we will bring up music to escort you off stage. Don't let your final comments be lost because you've gone over your time limit.

Some of our direction and advice may sound a little harsh and maybe even foils some of your grand plans. But trust us: Over the years, we've seen some big ideas fail miserably . . . and we've seen simple, direct demos succeed beautifully. So, finally, remember that we are here to help. If you have questions about what will or won't work on the DEMO stage, direct them to Karyn Williams as soon as possible (kkw@k2events.com). We'll gladly get back to you with the sound advice that will make your presentation a success.

SUGGESTED FORMAT TIPS FOR DEMO

* The introduction sets the context for your product demonstration.

* Use only 5% or less of your stage time on the introduction.

* Describe the market issue or user problem your product/technology solves.

* Give a brief summary of the history of the product/technology.

* Start your product demonstration within 30 seconds of taking the stage.

* The product demonstration should show the product/technology and

demonstrate its core value.

* 85% of your stage time should be used for demonstration.

* It's best to make only three key points. Remember you can delve deeper in

the Pavilion.

* Demonstrate only features and functions that support these points.

* The conclusion should be used to re-emphasize the benefits of the

product/technology.

* The conclusion should take up no more than 10% of stage time.

* Stress benefits to intended user.

* Stress benefits to industry.

1. Show your product within the first 60 seconds
Don’t spend five or ten minutes "setting the stage" or "giving the background." If you don't have a product to show, don't take the meeting.

2. Take less than five minutes to demo
All the tiny little features, you don't have to show them. Larry and Sergey wouldn't open up the advanced search.

3. Leave people wanting more
It's up to you to make such a compelling core product that they are intrigued enough to explore it.

4. Talk about what you've done, not what you're going to do
Steve Jobs doesn't waste time on what Apple's going to do. Weak startup leaders immediately start talk about "what's next.” What really matters is the core functionality.

5. Understand your competitive landscape—current and historical
I've had three or four companies pitch me on [products that unknowingly re-implemented] Third Voice—the controversial "Web annotation" service from Web 1.0.

6. Short answers are best
Answer questions with the most concise answer. [Then stop talking!]

7. PowerPoint bullet slides are death
Slides that are not boring include charts, product shots, feature set tables and the like.

8. How to use this new device called the phone
When presenting over the phone use a handset and a land-line only! Mobile phones and speakerphones sound horrible, disrespectful.

9. How to handle questions you don't know the answer to
No one has an answer for everything, except b.s. artists. Feel free to say you don't know.

10. Always confirm the time of your meeting/call, and always be 15 minutes early
[Start off on the right foot.] Send a simple email saying "Looking forward to seeing you tomorrow at your offices at 123 Main Street at 3pm. If anything changes you can reach me on my mobile at 310-555-1212." Show respect by being in their lobby or on hold on the conference call five to 15 minutes ahead of time.

It seems Google is not satisfied with owning over 70% of search—now they want to own the first couple of pages in their search results. So, if you're digg.com, About.com, NYTimes.com, and Wikipedia you're faced with not only being traffic-dependant on Google, you're now competing with them for the traffic within their search result.

This feels exactly like what Microsoft did to its application vendors. Microsoft convinced folks to build WordStar, WordPerfect, Lotus 1-2-3, and Quattro Pro for their operating system. They grew that business together until the point that Microsoft had massive market-share in operating systems.

Then Microsoft pulled the rug out from under the 3rd party application vendors. The streets were littered with dead software companies, Microsoft faced massive lawsuits, and the industry became stagnant until the Internet shook things up again two decades later.

Frankly, it's insulting to say you're not in the content business and then launch Knol and compete with content companies for their authors, users, and placement in the rankings that you control.

For Google's own good they should not try to take over their own search results. If Google results start showing 20-30% Knol pages and YouTube videos then that is going to drive users away from Google in search of more diversity.

As a hedge we're partnering with Google. We've put 30 of our How To articles into Knol, and we're very big partners with YouTube on our Mahalo Daily show. If you can't beat them join them. If Google is destined to be the new Microsoft then it's best to get into the tent early.

"Any asshole in an Aeron chair, he's a fucking portal." Funny! That is, unless you're Yahoo, which thanks to Google doesn't have much business left besides as a content portal.

Tom (Hartnett) learns of layoffs at Pseudo.com — the real fake company of the era, according to founder Josh Harris.

Yes, that's an Apple Cube followed by an early PowerBook. Not to mention the nice detail of the period sound effects for sending and receiving in Mail.app.

Another actual reference, this time to Charlie Corwin, co-founder of LifeMusicChannel, an streaming video pioneer and early partner of MP3.com.

Yes, the Koosh™ — one of the ubiquitous toys that made working at an Internet company so much cooler than working at IBM, though maybe not if your options were underwater. Also served as handy double entendré for mating pairs looking to hook up after vesting.

In this scene, Rip Torn parrots Ed Bradley in the infamous 60 Minutes moment when RazorFish CEO Jeff Dachis choked on national television.

Here's the Jason Calacanis moment, in case you missed it in my overwrought review. Young Xeni Jardin, Clay Shirky and Rafat Ali all worked for his Silicon Alley Reporter hyping the New York tech scene before it imploded.

"B2B or not B2B." Yes, Howard Rodman manages to work a Hamlet reference into Hartnett's soliloquy.

And last but certainly not least, the scene where Hartnett's Tom finds his employees chuckling as they read LandShark's listing on FuckedCompany — creator Phillip Kaplan went on to found AdBrite, which from rumors we've heard might deserve a listing of its own soon enough.

I've become addicted to playing poker because your constantly faced with confusion, and winning is trying to make sense out of nonsense.

Thankfully, studies have shown recovery is much easier when you have a supportive spouse. No scientific word on the effect of pets, but I can't imagine having two lovely bulldogs hurts. Just remember, Jason, one day at a time. (Photo by wmmarc)

Investing in companies, even at late stages, is a relative bargain because of the strong euro, and once a company goes public, the returns are doubled again because companies trade at a much higher price-to-earnings ratio on average than the do in Europe. However, after telling a story about entrepreneurs turning land in southwestern France being managed by the government into a newly productive wine region from which guests were tippling the bounty, Wellington's Eric Archambeau explained that the new office was going to focus on business development. "Who needs another VC in Silicon Valley?" he quipped.

One of the companies in which Wellington has invested is Seesmic, the online-video tool founded by the crushingly gregarious Loic le Meur, who bent our ear over enabling his company's technology in our comments. If it means TechCrunch's Michael Arrington might drop by to share some of his deep thoughts, then I might just be able to make Le Meur's case with our publisher.

Sitting through the Search SIG panel last night I kept worrying the speakers were going to pants Wikia Search’s Jeremie Miller Nick Sullivan. Such a delicate little man, yet so much holier than thou. At one point Jason Calacanis said outright that Wikia Search would fail and that it's goal was simply to make Jimmy Wales rich. I think I actually heard Jeremie's Nick's heart break in response.

The problem with Jeremie Miller Nick Sullivan (and by association Wikia Search) is that he believes by using open source he can do no evil. He was adamant that since Google makes decisions about what you see in your search results the world needs an open source search site. For freedom! But even Wikia Search has to create a system to rank results. There are many that bemoan the politics of the Wikipedia system, so why should Wiki Search be any better?

Jeremie would like you to think that Wiki Search is a tool created by the common man, but even he knows the truth. He let slip that 99.5% of his users never add any content to the site. I'm not sure how one could call a site built by the top 1/2 of 1% of all users 'open'. I think even the Bush tax cuts were more inclusive than that.

I was hoping to report on some wild accusation made by Jason Calacanis, but he turned out to be the most level-headed one on the panel. Even FriendFeed's cofounder and CEO Bret Taylor admitted to his site's deficiencies. But I will take the smarmy look of Jeremie Miller with me to the grave. Although if Jason has it right, at least I won't have to look at his site for much longer.

Update: Nick Sullivan writes to point out that he was the lamb despatched to the slaughter, filling in for Wikia's Jeremie Miller. Sullivan disputes his delicacy — after all, he did gamely step in front of the Calacanis bus.

Vallewag: What would you think of Jon Miller going to Yahoo?

Calacanis:

Jon Miller would be amazing for Yahoo because he is extremely good at building display advertising businesses and buying young startups. Remember, when they let him go he was coming off back to back 40%+ gain quarters in advertising revenue—second only to Google (and well ahead of Yahoo). His biggest strength at AOL—in my mind—was buying promising startups and giving them tons of support, no red tape, and breathing room. Yahoo needs new blood and a focus on display advertising, with Ross [Levinsohn, former CEO of Fox Interactive and Miller's partner at VC firm Velocity Interactive] at his side you would have a very potent operator and M&A team.

Yahoo's best strategy right now is probably to build display advertising while buying and growing promising startups. Yahoo needs growth, Jon and Ross are growth guys (i.e. MySpace, Advertising.com, Weblogs, Inc, etc). As a bonus you have hundreds of VP/SVP/EVP level executives out there who are loyal to Jon and Ross, so you might see a talent influx with them at the helm, and talent wins.

Valleywag: You think he'd take the job?

Calacanis:

• Pro: It is the most challenging job in the space second to AOL
• Pro: Having reinvented AOL this would be cake walk/much more pleasant.
• Push: It would require a move from East to West coast—which is both a + and -
• Pro: It would be a great way to show the folks at [Time Warner] who's the man

I'd say if he gets the call he would most likely take it... big opps like this come along once every 5-10 years.

I need more dinners out with Jason Calacanis, rarely do you see a successful entrepreneur with such balance in all aspects of his life.

Just idle speculation, granted. Calacanis may have proper balance in his life, but the workaholism he demands of employees is another matter. We know for a fact that Sean Percival, an early Mahalo employee, has moved over to startup DocStoc.

They're doing what everyone else is doing, throwing their inventory into a big pile and asking someone else to do the work in return for a large cut of the revenues. Jon Cohen and Rob Stone, principals of New York-based Cornerstone Promotion, have created an ad network for the very purpose. We're not surprised many follow this path. It's easy and allows publishers to focus on creating content — which is probably more fun than selling ads. We would be surprised if RCRD LBL's Rojas joins up. His blogfather, Weblogs Inc. founder Jason Calacanis, is a known proponent of going with internal ad sales teams over ad networks, which he describes as "short term and very damaging." Indeed, Fortune reports Rojas is rumored to be going the smart way: releasing a major artist's latest album, sponsored by a single advertiser.

Even at rates more typical of outsourced workers in Asia, applicants are expected to be versed in "online research, journalism, and wiki markup language." While costs have gone up in the last five years, the Calacanis payscale hasn't significantly — new Weblogs Inc. bloggers typically made $500 for 125 posts a month back in 2005. But with unemployment on the rise, expect there to be plenty of interest. And hey, at least Mahalo's paying, which is more than Jimmy Wales can say for the contributors to Wikipedia.

When we wrote up our list of tech's 10 worst entry-level jobs, we figured Cashmore will pay his assistant around $55,000 per year. But since, we've learned that number is well high of the mark. Readers figured Cashmore will pay $51,000 per year. We've heard Mahalo pays guides between $30,000 and $35,000 per year, but commenters on our original post told us we got it wrong. Wrote Richeem:

Figuring Mahalo's current pricing for the average page, wait time for acceptance, and any other factors a "good" ptg would be lucky to make $50/day. I highly doubt they are accepting more than 5 pages per day per ptg! Specially given the fact they have 120+ pages pending review.

Readers later guessed $32,000 per year.

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In our last matchup, working as a Microsoft Windows support professional handily trounced the Yahoo finance internship in our last matchup, 59 percent to 41 percent.

1. Mozilla
2. Facebook
3. Mahalo
4. DoubleClick
5. Yahoo
6. Microsoft
7. Google
8. LinkedIn
9. Jajah
10. Adobe

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• Tech's 10 worst workspaces
• Yahoo
• Mozilla
• Mahalo
• Google
• Microsoft
• LinkedIn
• Jajah
• Facebook
• DoubleClick
• Adobe

Previously:

• A is for Adelson, who cofounded Digg

• Don't say anything that might just as well be said in an email, i.e. "I'm sorry Steve, it's going to have to be $37."
• Don't forget how many people are listening. For example, do not say: "Oops, hope nobody notices the smell."
• Don't follow people you've never met. Exception: Diablo Cody.
• Don't follow Jason Calacanis.
• Don't add too many followers too fast. Like any dangerous recreational narcotic, one has to build one's tolerance before ignoring the Surgeon General's warnings.
• Don't expect timely and informative responses to your Twittered queries. Or for anyone to read them. Twitter is a heat sink for the unexpressed ego.
• Don't Twitter things that would be better said in person. Example: "@George, No, I won't marry you. It's the halitosis."
• Don't try to share your political, religious or business views in 140 characters. It takes more words to obfuscate how simple and derivative they are.
• Don't follow Robert Scoble.
• Don't follow bloggers who write about Twitter just to have an excuse to include a link to their Twitter account. They will bombard you with links to their blog posts, because they are paid by pageviews.