The phrase Vesting in Peace, which means you work for stable company increasing in value, and you’re doing as little as possible until your stock options are worth something — just enough to be perceived as functional, but never to the point of exertion.

Klein gets this mostly right, though he fails to note where it most frequently happens: At startups after they're acquired. Most of the original YouTubers, for example, are only at Google because they're still vesting in peace.

(Photo by sfllaw)

Decker is hoping, in other words, that advertisers will simply hand Yahoo their online-advertising budgets and trust it to place ads. Google already does this with its auction-sold search ads — and advertisers are furious about how their ads get placed willy-nilly by the hubristic search engine's secret algorithms. Here's how to use the word in cocktail-party chatter: "Yahoo's advertising strategy is nonguaranteed to succeed." (Photo by John Battelle)

Dickerson, his successor, was a solid if stolid executive best known for greasing the sticky wheels of Yahoo's bureaucracy. He has been replaced by someone even more unremarkable. Brickhouse was Yahoo's corporate version of an attention whore, an object we pay attention to because it demands we pay attention to it. I wouldn't be surprised if it's shuttered soon. If it is, will we even notice? (Photo by Scott Beale/Laughing Squid)

Last year, the lexicographers at dictionary maker Merriam-Webster proclaimed w00t its Word of the Year. For 2008, they've added fanboy, webinar, netroots, and pretexting to the lexicon. Who cares? I do, because I find Merriam's online dictionary, more consistent, more focused, and better written than its wikified open dictionary or the Google results for define:pretexting. There'll be 100 or so new words in the Merriam-Webster's 2008 edition, due September 1. Meanwhile, I called the company and got the 25 most populist of the new entries as a teaser:

Merriam-Webster’s Collegiate® Dictionary, Eleventh Edition
2008 Copyright

New Entries

1. air quotes n pl (1989) : a gesture made by raising and flexing the index and middle fingers of both hands that is used to call attention to a spoken word or expression

2. dark energy n (1998) : a hypothetical form of energy that produces a force that opposes gravity and is thought to be the cause of the accelerating expansion of the universe

3. dirty bomb n (1956) : a bomb designed to release radioactive material

4. dwarf planet n (1993) : a celestial body that orbits the sun and has a spherical shape but is too small to disturb other objects from its orbit

5. edamame n (1951) : immature green soybeans usu. in the pod

6. fanboy n (1919) : a boy who is an enthusiastic devotee (as of comics or movies)

7. infinity pool n (1992) : an outdoor swimming pool having an edge over which water flows into a trough but seems to flow into the horizon

8. jukebox musical n (1993) : a musical that features popular songs from the past

9. kiteboarding n (1996) : the sport of riding on a small surfboard that is propelled across water by a large kite to which the rider is harnessed

10. malware n (1990) : software designed to interfere with a computer’s normal functioning

11. mental health day n (1971) : a day that an employee takes off from work in order to relieve stress or renew vitality

12. mondegreen n [fr. the mishearing in a Scottish ballad of “laid him on the green” as “Lady Mondegreen”] (1954) : a word or phrase that results from a mishearing of something said or sung

13. netroots n pl (2003) : the grassroots political activists who communicate via the Internet esp. by blogs

14. norovirus n (2002) : any of a genus of small round single-stranded RNA viruses; specif: Norwalk Virus

15. pescatarian n (1993) : a vegetarian whose diet includes fish

16. phytonutrient n (1994) : a bioactive plant-derived compound (as resveratrol) associated with positive health effects

17. pretexting n (1992) : the practice of presenting oneself as someone else in order to obtain private information

18. prosecco n (1881) : a dry Italian sparkling wine

19. racino n (1995) : a racetrack at which slot machines are available for gamblers

20. soju n (1978) : Korean vodka distilled from rice

21. subprime adj (1995) 1: having or being an interest rate that is higher than a prime rate and is extended esp. to low-income borrowers 2: extending or obtaining a subprime loan

22. supercross n (1983) : a motorcycle race held in a stadium on a dirt track having hairpin turns and high jumps

23. Texas Hold ’em n (1995) : poker in which each player is dealt two cards facedown and all players share five cards dealt faceup

24. webinar n (1998) : a live online educational presentation during which participating viewers can submit questions and comments

25. wing nut n (ca. 1900) 3 slang : one who advocates extreme measures or changes : radical

This is my first afternoon back at the 'Wag, so I've got nothing to report that pint-sized supersleuth Kara Swisher hasn't already posted. (Note to Swisher: Great job! Now please stop patting yourself on the back, it's embarrassing.)

The only other journo as obsessed with Yahoo is Valleywag's editor-on-vacation Owen Thomas. I thumb-typed Owen to deliver Valleywag's official analysis from fog-free Florida. "I don't think of this reorg as a layoff," Owen replied. "I think this is more about promoting those who don't have enough sense to leave. I mean, the more power Sue Decker has, the worse Yahoo gets. Why is she still there?"

Metcalfe's Law, first forumlated by Robert Metcalfe, states that "the value of a telecommunications network is proportional to the square of the number of users of the system." The problem is, that as actual humans connect, the number of people you can connect to instantly swells far past Dunbar's Number, or "The Rule of 150," another popular concept among social network theorists, which Robin Dunbar uses to describe the typical amount of other people a person can realistic communicate, connect and relate to.

Hence, I'd like to propose a synthesis of the two, which you're welcome to call West's Corollary. To whit:

As the number of users on an online social network grows, your perception of the ratio of idiots to otherwise will approach infinity.

Where "idiots" is intentionally subjective, because of course one person's idiot is another's comic genius. Ultimately, only 150 people you interact with will be not-idiots, a number that will quickly be dwarfed as everyone else on the planet signs up.

After a strong resurgence in 2005 and showing strong staying power through 2007, lately most of the people I've seen use it fit into two categories: 1) people over 40 who have finally had the word passed down the cool chain from their younger friends and coworkers. 2) the "douches" originally being described themselves.

• Web 2.0.This marketing term was old when Time magazine made "You" the person of the year in 2006. CNET reporter Caroline McCarthy might have just killed it for good.
• Bubble. We can't be in a recession and a bubble at the same time, people. Pick just one economic theory to overhype, please.
• Influencers. This term is on the tip of every social media marketer's tongue as they look to find that one Facebook user who will spark a forest fire for the clients' brands. Problem is: Uncountable variables set the conditions for a forest fire. The spark is just the most visible. And research shows influencers aren't the real firestarters.
• MicroHoo. Microsoft-Yahoo is what, seven characters longer? This word is only OK if Jerry Yang and Steve Ballmer both become Jeves Bang or Stevey Yallmer. Which I don't think is going to happen. Unless more weed is involved.
• Dead simple. From now on, this phrase should only be used ironically. As in: "IsMikeArringtonADick.com makes it dead simple to find out if Mike Arrington is a dick."

Thankfully Flickr user paulthewineguy has annotated nearly 50 masterpieces, translating them into geekspeak for the less artistically inclined. For instance, the angel in Caravaggio's Inspiration of St. Matthew has been lovingly reworked as Clippy the Office assistant, Jasper Johns' Map has a Google Maps overlay, and Leonardo DaVinci's helicopter sketch is still in beta. (Illustration by paulthewineguy)

Some say "w00t" was originally [a truncated] expression common among players of Dungeons and Dragons tabletop role-playing game for 'Wow, loot!'" Another common myth is that it "derived from the gaming phrase, 'We Own the Other Team!'" And "others maintain that w00t is the sound several players make while jumping like bunnies in Quake III." Okay. The number of myths almost guarantees they are all wrong.

Most likely, "w00t" is simply a corruption of whoot which, like whoop, is an imitative cry for joy. It almost certainly predates all of the gamer mythologies. "W00t" — there it is. (Photo by ThinkGeek)

1. facebook (v.t.): to stalk an individual using the site's networks and other features.
I found out that girl I met at the party last week is in the Stanford network, and I've been facebooking her ever since.

2. facebook (v.t.): to reveal someone's purchasing habits using Facebook's Beacon advertising platform.
Damn, my girlfriend discovered how cheap I was this Christmas when I was facebooked by Overstock.com.

3. facebook (v.t.): to expose an employee's lie by finding a posting on a social network.
I was facebooked this morning by the boss because of that stupid picture from the Halloween party last night.

4. facebook (v.i., usually passive): to be overwhelmed with numerous news feeds, messages, and requests on the social network.
Sorry, I didn't respond to your email but I'm facebooked.

5. facebook (v.i., usually passive): to hit the limit of friends allowed on Facebook.
Scoble said he would add me as his friend, but he's already facebooked.

6. facebook (v.t.): to apologize while not really meaning it.
Boy, Zuckerberg really facebooked that one.

Most of the other entries are common to anyone with a high school vocabulary — apathetic, charlatan, conundrum, pretentious — with no particular significance to the year that was 2007. Except that they serve to describe Facebook, too. The dictionary even threw in a few long shots: eleemosynary, Pecksniffian, and sardoodledom. Seriously? And then a nod to the blogosphere (linkability) and l33t-speak (w00t).

The only candidates with any particular relevance to this year are the aging neologisms babymoon and blamestorm. While we're admittedly biased, we can't fathom these words being more significant to 2007 than the social network which beat News Corp.'s social network to the dictionary. The definition of "facebook" according to Merriam-Webster:

facebook
(verb) : To get on a facebook website.
Did you facebook today?

(verb) : to look up someone's profile on the popular Internet social network Facebook.
I facebooked Sarah the other day and posted a comment on her wall, but she has yet to reply to my comment.

(verb) : 1. to search for another person through the online directory know as facebook 2. to send a message through the online directory know as facebook
I facebooked Lauren yesterday to see where she goes to college.

(verb) : To add someone to your list of friends on the "facebook.com" website.
Hey, I saw you facebooked me. (also a noun, as in "Look him up on facebook.")

Open Source — let's see your source code.

OpenDoc — let's get rid of Office.

OpenID — let's see your users.

Free Beer — Web 2.0.

The first wave of the web was closely tied to the browser. The second wave extends the applications built on the web server and it will enable a new generation of specialized clients and automated web applications. (Emphasis added)

Here's a typical email from one presenter:

Just make sure Owen Thomas knows what we do and doesn't mistake us for a SNS that is offered directly to end-users! We offer up a 'meta-network' engine - so in fact folks can run their OWN entire Ning."

Here's how it works:

• You send me (paul@valleywag.com) a summary of your onstage presentation or booth demo. Include a phone number for questions.
  
• I'll post a jargon-free rewrite of it.

For example, Marc Canter's PeopleAggregator — described in the email above — comes in two forms. The easy version is an online service that lets customers click to build their own social network-y sites, such as the Poker Players Alliance. More Web-savvy techies and organizations can run PeopleAggregator software on their own servers. Sample customers: GT Channel, Let's Cricket, and the Dell/Intel Extreme Gaming Tour.

Marc's 8:30 a.m. workshop, Open Data, will focus on getting Web 2.0 online services to allow customers to move their data around among different sites as they see fit. For example, I've spent two years building my linkedIn profile and network. Why can't I automatically import all that info to Facebook, the way I imported my Internet Explorer bookmarks into Firefox? It turns out, Marc says, that linkedIn lets me save my info to an easily read file format, but Facebook isn't set up to read it yet. Sounds like a killer app in the waiting.

It's like tech reporting, but in English! Who's next? (Warning to publicists: The one word I don't understand is "embargo.")

1. Birth in an article
While some buzzwords grow in the wild, and some are introduced in books, most start in an ephemeral text medium like a magazine or blog: two media with a big news hole to fill and a tendency to fill it with bullshit. Among other gimmicks like numbered lists and quizzes, blogs and magazines attract readers with pop theories. The pop theory needs a buzzword.
Upon publication, the theory is actually being debated and honed. After writing up his "long tail" theory in Wired, magazine editor Chris Anderson hashed it out with bloggers in preparation for the next stage.

2. Book deal
A pop theory may be solid enough for an article, but once it's stretched to book length, the author is forced to invent supporting terms so the theory can "change the way you think about the world." In The Tipping Point, Malcolm Gladwell names "Salesmen," "mavens," and "connectors;" in The Long Tail Chris Anderson discusses "The New Producers," "New Markets," and "New Tastemakers." The theory takes on a pseudoscientific structure; Anderson invents "the three forces of the Long Tail" and prematurely declares death to "the hit." This is because people who read pop-theory books are even more gullible than people who read magazines.

The book's cover is white, with the title in big letters and one simple, metaphorical image.

3. Co-optetition
By this point every other magazine has published a me-too theory, and Amazon has three other books to recommend along with the one the gullible reader purchases. If you think the world is flat, you may also want to "think without thinking" and tap into "freakonomics."

4. Widespread misuse
The buzzword has reached the gullible, those who need to impress the gullible, and people who read BusinessWeek. It now loses all real meaning. I recently heard a Facebook app maker say, "Monetizing our apps is all about the long tail — transitioning from viewers to users." He may as well have stuttered about "South Korea and the Iraq," because the "long tail" has nothing to do with turning viewers into users. I like to call this "alchemical thinking."

5. Backlash
This phase actually began shortly after stage 1, with a new wave of backlash for every stage after. Now the backlash has finally saturated among everyone who ever heard the buzzword. Blogs have satirized it, Fake Steve Jobs has ironically name-dropped it, and it's a category on Valleywag. The opposite of the buzzword has earned its own buzz, meaning that even a "short head" business can co-opt the buzz of the "long tail."

6. Hallmark of cluelessness
The real use of the buzzword has long since fallen out of use as people rediscovered the other, older words that meant the same thing: "tipping point" has become "breakout moment" and "black swan" has become "surprise." Anyone who still uses the buzzword is clearly an ass.

Nick Douglas writes at Valleywag and Too Much Nick. In two years he'll have a book called "Alchemical Thinking." Dude, it'll change your life.

Calacanis and fellow organizers Michael Arrington and Heather Harde, he claims, didn't just randomly assemble a bunch of startups willing to kowtow to their terms. Nor did they sift through the applications in some open, meritocratic process. Instead, they "curated" the list of presenters, as a university librarian might pick out volumes for a collection. Bloggers, too, try to dignify their work by claiming that they "curate" links, instead of admitting that they just post things they find interesting. By claiming to "curate," not "choose," people like Calacanis try to lend an academic dignity to their work — at the same time that they brush away charges of self-serving subjectivity. Of course the selection is biased and untransparent. But by calling his choices "curation," an entrepreneur can spin greed as good.

Because they're proper nouns. An "internet" is any interconnected network of networks; a "web," lowercased, is any connection of hyperlinked pages. The Internet, and the World Wide Web — the ones we all connect to — are the only ones we actually care about. If you insist on writing about "the internet," I'll insist on asking, "Which one?"