We don't allow nudity, graphic sex acts, or sexually explicit material. This includes making sexual advances toward other users.

Of course, how exactly to you define "nudity" when you're talking about animated avatars? Of course, you can hug all you want, but drawing the line between friendly embrace and creepy come-on is not something that can be algorithmically determined. It's obvious that the company is desperate to avoid any publicity that associates it with anything related to sex. Which is a shame, because if there's anything more "mainstream" than the sexual reproduction which perpetuates our species, I'd like to know what it is. Where do Larry and Sergey think the Kinderplex's overpriced clientele come from? (Photos by rcooper)

• 10. Prostitutes: Absolutely nothing surprising about that, since there are more tech titans of our acquaintance known to prefer quantitative intimacy to qualitative intimacy, as it's just so much more efficient.
• 9. Code words: Anyone familiar for looking for an apartment on Craigslist should know what "420 friendly" means. What's slightly surprising is that Nicholas used such common slang as "party favors" when arranging a score. Your run-of-the-mill paranoid drug dealer is more creative.
• 8. Minions: That Nicholas employed flunkies and other hangers-on to do his dirty work isn't particularly surprising, either. But that he had employees on Broadcom's payroll running errands for him certainly raises an eyebrow. And cost him $1 million in hush money.
• 7. Doctor shopping: To get the amounts of Vicoprofen (hydrocodone and ibuprofen) and Valium (diazepam) Nicholas wanted on hand, he had scripts written up for associates. With a private jet, why not just fly down to Mexico and stock up? That seems easier. One smuggling run is a lot less risky than dozens of doctor visits.
• 6. Drink spiking: While spiking another executive's drink with ecstasy would normally be pretty surprising, I'm pretty sure more than a few techies have been accidentally dosed at Burning Man. What shocks me was that it as at a Super Bowl party in New Orleans. I though techies hated team sports!
• 5. Wire transfers: For a guy who was on all sorts of stimulants, he was surprisingly blasé about being surveilled. Leaving multiple records of five-figure drug deals is the first clue that this guy felt invincible. That he broke the $10,000 rule to keep transactions under the IRS's radar is no-no No. 2.
• 4. Budgets, invoices and petty cash: Leave it to a businessman to have fellow junkies draw up a budget for a Super Bowl party, have dealers submit invoices for large orders of MDMA and direct Broadcom employees to keep $10,000 on hand at all times for Nicholas's whims.
• 3. Death threats: Even Robert Evans, when angered, probably only threw around some verbal abuse on the order of "You'll never work in this town again." But a tech geek reverting to mafia tactics? That's new.
• 2. Hotboxing a plane: By "causing marijuana smoke and fumes to enter the cockpit" of his private plane on a flight to Nevada, Nicholas may go down in history. That seems more like something the boys of Entourage would do, not something an Orange County entrepreneur would indulge in, rock star friends or no.
• 1. Woodstock '99: Even more surprising is that a guy who issued death threats would go to an anniversary of the world's most famous love-in. I mean, I knew Woodstock '99 was a corporate sham, but little did I know exactly how corporate things were when apparently a tech titan (and football fan) was slinging tablets of ecstasy to concertgoers.

Google Guys / Friends of Google Guys - w4m
Reply to: pers-591790503@craigslist.org
Date: 2008-02-29, 8:55PM

First off, to all the dipshits who made me have to do this over and over: I'm fucking real so keep your fucking cursor off the fucking flag button.
Fuck. Damn this ad is weird. OK well here goes:

If you don't work at google or personally know anyone who works at google/youtube, you need to hit the back button now because you won't have a chance at sexing me. I warned you this was a weird ad.
Basically one of my youtube videos was disabled because of some douchebag and I'm trying to get it re-enabled. I've sent complaints, emails, everything, but damned if they can fucking hear me. This isn't some shitty little home video either, it got 300,000+ views and thousands of ratings and I WANT IT BACK. So bad that I'm willing to sex you if you can make it happen.

Let's be clear here: I DON'T want your money, I DON'T want your pics/dick shots/whatever, and I DON'T want to hear from you if you can't pull a string at google.

If you send me some unrelated bullshit email that in no way, shape, or form, addresses your ability to restore my youtube video, I will add your email address to the North American Man/Boy Love Association mailing list.

We clear? Good.

I can only assume if you've made it this far that what I'm asking is within your power, so what can you expect in return? Well for starters, I'm on birth control so you'll get to cum inside me. (I doubt that silicon valley nerds are high STD risks.) I like getting my hair-pulled, my ass smacked, and I love sucking dick. Like, LOVE it. Most of the time I prefer it to sex. In general, be rough with me, be a man. No anal though. I tried it once and couldn't walk straight for two days. No anal. None.

Send me a message to get the video ID of the youtube video I want restored, and once I see it's back online, we'll make arrangements to meet.

(Photo by ideali)

Update: Gene Simmons's lawyer has confirmed the sex tape's authenticity in a cease-and-desist letter sent to Valleywag. With Simmons's identity established, we've shortened the excerpts to the bare minimum: Simmons's face, unquestionable; the activity he's engaging in, unmentionable.

In the summer of 1968, running for reelection, I attended the endorsement evening sponsored by an early gay group called Society for Individual Rights. Identify yourself as a gay person back then and you could lose your job. Teachers, police officers, firefighters, nurses, lawyers who were gay couldn't afford to join groups like SIR. But I wanted endorsements and believed in people being able to live unhindered lives.

Every candidate closed by saying, "And I will vote to enact the model penal code" — a sweeping revision of California's general penal code. Each time, the place would go ripshit crazy with applause. One of its modifications would remove criminal penalties for certain sex acts like oral copulation or anal intercourse between consenting adults. But the model penal code would involve more than 400 changes to California law. No bill that contained 400 changes was going to pass. So the pols who were up there promising weren't telling the whole truth, and they weren't really intent on solving the problem. When I rose to speak, I said, "You are interested in one section of the code only. Why don't we just move to eliminate the criminal penalties for sex acts between consenting adults?" The place really went crazy.

When decriminalization finally became law eight years later, it wasn't because there was a grand consensus. No, passing the bill required one of the most daring — and fun — political capers I ever was involved in. It wasn't all political opportunism. The legislation also emerged from a sense of outrage. My outrage. The penalties didn't affect just gays; they affected everyone. You couldn't hold a teacher's license, be a member of the bar, or hold a nurse's license if you had run afoul of this law. I represented a woman who was a passenger in a car being driven across the Golden Gate Bridge by her boyfriend. She was performing a sex act on him. The toll taker noticed and called the police. The woman lost her license as a teacher. In another case, a San Francisco man lost his professional license and livelihood because he was making out in his apartment one night with his boyfriend when a neighbor observed. To witness the scene, she had to climb up on the toilet seat in her loo, stretch to peer out a window, and then down into the window below. The guys were busted for crimes against nature.

So every year, we kept introducing the bill. By 1975, I could envisage a good result. So we went for it. George Moscone, presiding in the senate, figured out a daring way to get the bill through that house, where we figured we could get a vote of twenty for and twenty against. Like the early candidates who promised to support the reform of the entire penal code while realizing the promise was an empty gesture, many senators who were voting for the bill were actually hoping it would die in a tie.

The bill would only pass if Lieutenant Governor Mervyn Dymally broke the tie. We had to get senators to believe that would never happen. So Moscone, Dymally, and I arranged for the lieutenant governor to be on a well-publicized trip to Colorado. On that day, we brought the bill up for a voice vote in the senate [a vote in which it is not recorded who voted yea or nay]. To get the twenty pro votes, I had to convince another black, Nate Holden, to give me a commitment that if I needed his vote I could count on it. I couldn't tell Nate what the real deal was until the vote was twenty to nineteen.

After a morning of ferocious debate, people were frothing! When the vote came to twenty and twenty, Moscone did what no one expected: He locked the senators in their chamber. No one could leave. He instituted some parliamentary maneuvers to make it almost impossible for senators to change their votes. Dymally was summoned from Colorado. In those days, there were no private jets available to us. So we had to get Dymally on a commercial flight from Denver to San Francisco. Then the Highway Patrol would helicopter him into Sacramento. It took five hours.

At 7:30 p.m. Dymally entered the chamber, voted yea, and broke the tie. Sexual acts between consenting adults in California were decriminalized. In that same month, Moscone and I passed legislation to decriminalize the possession of small amounts of marijuana. Then we improved welfare benefits. None of these great social improvements would have come about unless some of us were willing to use old-fashioned skill and political daring. No progress ever takes place unless you're also willing to be tough and canny.

The irony, of course, is that the offending lifecaster is Gawker Media video staff member Nick McGlynn, who works for Valleywag's publisher and prepares some video clips for this site. He's also responsible for the slightly less riveting, but featured, Gawker book-party broadcast.

As a result of "sexual acts" appearing in McGlynn's live stream, Justin.tv has issued new community guidelines, which try to emphasize broadcasters' freedom to police their own streams, but ends by banning a host of activities that many would consider a part of their daily life, including "documented unauthorized real-world contact." I don't know what that means but it sounds ominous.

McGlynn, however, never imagined that a lifecasting site would restrict, you know, lifecasting. He didn't see any issue with broadcasting a stream of his own nakedness or sex with his girlfriend. McGlynn, in his own words via IM:

i didn't know it wasn't allowed, who reads the TOS anyway
haha
they should have made it more prominent, i mean if you are going to have your whole life online
half my life is spent naked
and sex is a quarter of that half
ha
i won't do it again, but seems silly that you can't

i just started it that morning
so it wasn't a big loss for me

well they should create a section for over 18 cams
it would give a more "real view" on peoples lives if they didn't have to turn the camera away durning naked times

first of all
nobody ever read TOS
ever
people just click agree
if there is something very imporant like "you can't be naked" then include that somewhere else
like a check box, saying "i agree to not be naked"

i just find it funny that everyone is making this much of a deal about it
people in america are so weird when it comes to sex and nudity
i haven't heard from them since, i don't know what repercussions there would be, they already closed my account so i can't broadcast

why not just up the age from 13 to 18 and say anything goes
if there are 13 year olds broadcasting there life on cam that is creepier than nudity anyday in my book

Sex position or World of Warcraft spell? (answers at bottom of page)
1. Cat Form
2. Stargazing
3. Earth Shock
4. Backstab
5. Bull Horn
6. Rainbow Arch
7. Charge
8. Aimed Shot
9. Crushing Spices
10. Clinging Creeper
11. Battle Stance
12. Double-edged Knife

Five LOLcat ways to say no to sex!
1. Abstinent cat is abstinent
2. Iz that time of monf
3. I made you a Viagra, but I eated it.
4. Sumbuddy stole mah fukket
5. DO NOT WANT

Match the Internet people to the sex toy:
1. Star Wars Kid
2. Thriller Prisoners
3. Ask a Ninja
4. Leeroy Jenkins

A. The Python Extra-Large Double Dong
B. Trojan Extended Pleasure with Climax Control
C. Vibrating Silver Bullet
D. Fuzzy nunchucks

(Answer: None. The above people all need the touch of a real woman)

Computer dangers that you could also get from sex
Did you know that some people somewhere are using the Internet instead of having sex? Here's why!

• Chances of back ache, carpal tunnel are just the same
• Google doesn't laugh at questions
• Lower-risk poking
• Less shame after "404 Not Found"
• Finally an activity that lasts longer than two minutes

Answers
Positions: 2, 5, 6, 9, 10, 12
Spells: 1, 3, 4, 7, 8, 11

Artwork from Your Lost. Nick Douglas writes at Valleywag, Too Much Nick, and Look Shiny. Actually, he's having sex right now.

Warning: Because Justin cut his mic, his cohorts filled the silence with a NSFW audio feed from a porno. Put on some headphones.

Click To Play

Pathetic. What happened to Justin's promise to keep on the cam during sex? Here's a guess: Justin, having found a girl he really enjoys spending time with, felt he'd rather share a private moment with her than come through on his commitment with viewers.

Justin has set up a dangerous precedent over the past few days. His self-censorship has gone beyond practical measures (like disabling his microphone during a bank visit to protect his account information); Justin started disabling his microphone and/or camera during business meetings, phone calls, and now intimate moments.

What the hell? Isn't total access the point of lifecasting? It was central to earlier broadcasters like 90s camgirl Jennicam and the residents of We Live In Public's webcam-fitted warehouse. And sex tied into the philosophy behind The Real House.

The Real House, like other "Big Brother"-style live-to-web homes, offered more exhibitionism than allowed on network TV. But unlike most, the display of intimacy seemed not exploitative but invitational. For example, the Real House launched a monthly project called "Globalgasm," in which house members led Internet users around the world in an attempted simultaneous orgasm.

Real House member John "Halcyon" Styn said Globalgasm was inspired by a scene in the original Star Wars. Jedi master Obi-wan Kenobi feels the pain of an entire planet dying at once. Could one create such a force in a positive way? Viewers were invited to tune in and cum with the household.

And thus the Real House cast off the usually prurient feel, already diluted by the honesty and non-titillation of Jennicam's on-camera lovemaking, of live-to-web sex. The Real House lovefest wasn't a free porno show; it was a chance to share one of humanity's most universal pleasures. The peep show became an orgy.

And that's why Justin's cop-out is such a disappointment. Last night, my friends sent a flurry of messages on the group message system Twitter. Both men and women were thrilled at the prospect of watching Justin get it on:

These weren't lonely guys getting their rocks off. These people love watching Justin like they love watching Heroes. They liked Justin, they liked J, and they were about to share a milestone for Internet TV after rooting for their hero.

And then the screen went black.

"I actually watched the chat thread for a LONG time after the lights went out," said my friend Rex ("Fimoculous" above) about the on-site chat rooms. "It was seriously like its own show." He continued:

Mostly, it was people who were outraged, wanting to boycott... and then something funny would happen... someone from ROOM1 would drop into ROOM5 and say "We're all boycotting Justin, are you in." And everyone in ROOM5 would scream.

And then, someone showed up who allegedly knew him in real life from a long time ago, and told stories about him. and everyone ate it up.

It was just so weird to watch this while a black video stream played above. It was like a bunch of kids who didn't know what to do once the TV was turned off.

Some connection was made here, but despite Justin's shyness and less important. By retreating, Justin reinforced the idea of on-screen sex as not a shared moment but an exploitative spectator event.

The Justin.tv team plans to launch more shows; their favorite concept is a real-life "Sex in the City" character in New York. For the good of the Internet public, let's hope they find someone less like Justin and more like Halcyon and the Real Housemates.

Nick Douglas writes for Valleywag, Blogebrity, and Look Shiny. He would have left the camera on, but then again, he wouldn't wear it in the first place.

For example, Au contends that in a Second Life strip club, only the dancers' bodies, costumes, and undulations may be construed as sexual. All the window dressing — the furniture, setting, building, even the improperly sized currency — could be used in Second Life for something else, and thus are not sexual in nature. This seems a little willfully naive, or else designed to make Second Life seem like less of a carnal bazaar by defining sex content down to a tiny category. It's not like anyone would wander around Stacey Sugar's Barbie Club if it was just a big room with some chairs and dollar bill graphics lying around. Au doesn't even want to give the genitals over to sexuality, as doing so assumes "that wearing genitals is only for sexual expression." What else would they be for? Reproduction?

There are numerous sexplay areas in Second Life, and even more escort services which have no function besides the prostiutional. Since SL areas can be sorted and classified by "mature" ratings, it would seem a simple matter for Linden Labs to simply track the total traffic (and perhaps Linden dollar exchanges) in such areas. Of course, perfectly innocent transactions might take place in such areas, but chances are the data would indicate generally how big of a commercial draw sex really is for Second Lifers. I doubt Linden would release such information though. I'm guessing the percentage would be substantial, and perhaps not the kind of press Linden particularly wants.

Didn't see the news until just now about Newsom going into "rehab".

Very clearly a PR ploy — and not even a very good one. Don't think that we'll be seeing him down at the Dry Dock....

[Photo:Getty]

Despite his apology, Newsom is charged with breaching the "man code." Nevertheless, Mercury News readers don't think he should resign, and another puts the blame for the mayor's woes squarely on the shoulders of the San Francisco Chronicle. Can't we all just let the man focus on getting laid and losing the 49ers? Check out that renewed vigor!

[Photo: Getty]

An anonymous tipster submitted photos that seem to capture Simmons getting semi-freaky with a company employee in a photo booth.

To see the full seduction, follow the jump.

Maybe Simmons' new Audi helped seal the deal . . .

We were at Weekly's monthly coding party, SuperHappyDevHouse. This friend had just gotten it on with a startup founder in a downstairs bathroom, while over fifty geeks were programming outside the door. The idea of it made me shudder...but it was thrilling.

I've heard plenty of stories about nerds getting, or failing to get, some action:

• The guy who nonchalantly took apart a rare Mac G4 test model in high school, risking Apple's legal wrath to impress some girls (he failed)
• The man who meets women by sniffing their wifi traffic
• The woman who was on top when her PDA buzzed — so she checked it
• The boyfriend who got laid by giving his lady a Burger King Star Wars watch ("as big as my wrist, like a Casio calculator"
• The developer who told me, "Most engineers rock in bed. They are very into feedback cycles"

But the geeks of the world have much more Penthouse-worthy tales of nerd debauchery than these, so we're opening this thread to anyone with a story (username/password: packets/protocol). The person with the best story gets a $50 gift certificate to the Blowfish sex store (Front page SFW).

This is an installment in Diggbait, a daily column by Nick Douglas, who also writes at Eat the Press. Earlier Diggbaits include Ten Badass Bots and The Eight People You Meet on Digg. Photo by Josh Bancroft.

Perverted Justice, a sting group that poses as kids in chat rooms to entice would-be pedophiles into incriminating sex chats, came under fire a while back for their aggressive tactics, which range from acceptable watch-dogging to entrapment. Now the group works with NBC Dateline to make the show "To Catch a Predator," a could-your-kids-be-next ratings-grabber that's buying PJ plenty of publicity. How will PJ capitalize on that?

By boycotting Google.

At the moment, PJ lists Google as the top of its "Corporate Sex Offender Registry," for not removing from its search database every pedophile website that PJ reported. Fair? No. Embarrassing publicity? Yes. If PJ incites a boycott with Dateline's backing, Google won't cave — that's not their way — so the little tiff could blow up in the next few weeks if PJ decides to go all out.

In the end, PJ will lose its battle as the publicity dies out (give it a month tops), so this will just be one fun fight to watch.

The Perversions of "Perverted-Justice" [10 Zen Monkeys]

— Beth Gottfried

But we can learn one more thing about him through his e-mail handle at Microsoft, v-jecumm. The v means Cummings is a vendor working for a contracted company — which means he's doubly fired.

Why michaelw? [Microsoft e-mail]
Jerry Cummings [Encyclopedia Dramatica]
Sex Baiting Prank on Craigslist Affects Hundreds [Waxy.org]

• An unscrupulous LiveJournaler posted a fake Craigslist sex ad and published nearly 200 responses, including that of Microsoft employee Jerry Cummings (Warning: Dongs), pictured here. While this was a real asshat stunt to pull, that won't stop us from tittering at Jerry for sending dick pics using his work address. [Waxy.org]
• The LA Times can't figure out who's behind the amateur-but-not-amateur videos by YouTube star lonelygirl15, and they're too pussy to admit that all the evidence points to a progressive media company represented by the Creative Artists Agency. It's obviously not a real teen running a one-woman show; the cuts are too crisp, the monologues too scripted, the source too untrackable. [L.A. Times and apophenia]
• Hewlett-Packard didn't just spy on its board members. The company sniffed out the personal phone records of journalists including writers at CNET and the Wall Street Journal, and New York Times writer John Markoff. The firm that did this told HP its investigation was legal. How scary is it if they're right? [NY Times]

If you think that's a joke, you haven't been in Silicon Valley long enough. But just for fun, here are thirteen other Valley pickup lines to avoid:

1. Let me show you my Om face. [invented by Kevin Burton]
2. Nice shoes. Wanna TechCrunch?
3. There's a launch party in my pants and you're invited.
4. I see I'm already giving you a liquidation event.
5. Let's mashup.
6. Let's go park on Sand Hill Road.
7. Can I take you South of Market?
8. Looks like your Yahoo could use a Flickr.
9. Are your YouTubes tied?
10. I'm in UI, can I be in U?
11. You're so fine I'd drink your Kool-Aid.
12. Just you, me, and my podcast audience.
13. I wanna go voip, voip, voip.

Found in: The Middle East Buddy List [Slate, right column]

TechCrunch writer Marshall Kirkpatrick must be trying to outdo his boss Michael Arrington and his porn browser review. But how exactly did he discover that "there are scores of STD dating sites online"?

What really scares me is this line: "Unfortunately, users are unable to search for people with more than one condition - something I imagine would be important."

"Imagine." Sure. If anyone sees Marshall scratching some hard-to-reach places at the next TechCrunch party, give him some room.

Got Herpes? Try Prescription4Love [TechCrunch]

Oh dear, I just did a Canter in the [redacted] presentation. In the sense of "fell asleep in an orange shirt." Not "smoked dope first and heckled incoherently." Or "hit on any woman present, then when told she's a lesbian suggested a threesome with my wife." Or "hired a series of programmers and forgot to pay them."

Not that we'd ever accuse Canter of these things.

Earlier: Crazy uncle update: Sleepy, Grumpy, and Dopey
Photo: Marc Canter [Ben Hammersley on Flickr]

During his morning porn search research, a search blogger got rejected by Ask.com, which blocks searches such as "pedophilia laws in Belgium," "sex of a child," and "sexy girls," along with real pedo searches like "sex with kids." It's a horrible, horrible act of censorship, because all Americans are born with the God-given right to check, before we fly to our next business conference whether 16's legal in Switzerland.

You Can't Ask For Anything More From Ask.Com [Google Operating System]

So get this. First, a 14-year-old girl sued MySpace because she met a 19-year-old on the site who pretended to be in high school. This is, of course, MySpace's fault.

Now, the 19-year-old (college student Pete Solis) is countersuing — also against Myspace — because the girl pretended she was 15. "He's been, in effect, just as much a victim — if not more," says his lawyer. Solis is facing felony charges of sexual assault, which would be just the same if the girl was 15. This is, of course, MySpace's fault.

The couple in question met online, lied to each other, met in person for burgers, went to a movie, and then fooled around in Pete's back seat. This is all, of course, MySpace's fault. And the lovers' pain can only be assuaged with millions and millions of Rupert Murdoch's dollars.

A Countersuit in the MySpace Case? [TIME]
Earlier: Girl sues MySpace because boys are too hot [Valleywag]

W4M

• First one's a winner: "I prefer guys in tech because I've never met a dumb one and love technology, which means I'm cool with computer pieces all over." This 25-year-old wants a guy from 25 to 35.
• A 31-year-old software engineer throws two dogs into the deal. She just returned from the Netherlands, and she's a wine, cheese, and crying-at-the-movies fan. And she's utterly selling herself short as "slightly cute."

Ladies, M4W is after the jump.

M4W

• 35-year-old software engineer seeks "discreet" college student for "outdoor sports." Oh. Actually he probably means those literally. Boring.
• One entrepreneur's headline says it all: "LOOKING FOR LOVE SOUL MATE FOREVER !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" No, startup founders aren't 13 now — this one's 44. "My startup project is my dream and I am working towards my dream and I know my dream is going to come true soon. My second dream to have loving soulmate and life partner with whom I want to be until end of this lifetime."
• If this next one's sense of humor doesn't get you hot, don't worry — he just wants something platonic. "I always give things a chance to grow on me, INCLUDING moss, because I'm be a fungi to be with."
• Today's charity case could really use a friend on Oracle Parkway in Redwood City. In the last week, this gentleman's posted two separate missed connections, three appeals in the section called Casual Encounters. Reward his hard work — he just wants an IM/e-mail flirt partner.

Strangely, on the eve of SF Pride 2006, all the geek posts are straight. Send any good W4W or M4M (or fantastic W4M or M4W) posts by Valley tech workers to tips@valleywag.com.

A 14-year-old girl who says she was sexually assaulted by another user of MySpace.com sued the social networking Web site Monday, claiming it does not take sufficient steps to protect underage members.

The girl says a 19-year-old man lied in his profile about being a senior on a football team to gain her trust and phone number.

Yes, only stricter protections will keep those dirty old 19-year-olds, ravenous for youthful flesh, from prowling amongst younger teens.

Look, kid, just because your dream boy turned out to not be a high school football hottie doesn't mean MySpace will cut you a $30 million check. You think this company is new to tawdry lawsuits? It's based on tawdry lawsuits.

Girl, 14, sues MySpace.com alleging assault [AP News]

One of Tom's lovely ladies, says the tipster, left a between-the-sheets romp unsatisfied. And she was anything but quiet about it. And Tom wouldn't take that lying down. He cock-blocked her the hard way — every time she built a MySpace profile, Mr. Humps-a-lot kicked her off the site. Deleted her whole profile. "You'll never sleep in this town again!"

It might be a harsh punishment, but hey, the guy has a reputation to keep. It's not so bad — who hasn't locked an ex-lover out of the house?

Earlier: MySpace Tom orders half-price ass-by-air, said random Asian girl [Valleywag]

• And who are the suave, snappily-dressed men to offset the nerds? Venture capitalists. Oh, perfect, because as admin assistant Sand Hill Slave can attest, nothing's hotter than a coked-out stripey-wearing VC associate who keeps bragging about his job. [Sand Hill Slave]
• And the women of the Valley? "Hot for Silicon Valley" isn't a slam on real looks — it's a slam on every woman who insists on wearing a pantsuit from the 90s.
• Closing time in San Francisco: 2 AM. Closing time in San Jose: 2 AM. Closing time in Cupertino: 2 AM. Come on, California lawmakers — bar-going geeks need at least another hour to loosen up.
• The bedroom's out of wifi range.

Then again, it could be worse — we could all be in Washington, with all the romance of Silicon Valley and all the intelligence of Miami.

Oh, those halcyon years of the Internet! When men were real men, women were real women, and for $5.95 an hour they'd prove it to you! It wasn't so long ago, kids, that Philip "Pud" Kaplan of Fucked Company (yeah, the failed AdBrite CEO) was makin' home webcam videos — sexy threesome videos.

And more power to him — you mess around with a couple of hotties, you gotta share your joy with the world, right? After the jump, things get a little NSFW with three more tasty webcam shots.

With 93 captive viewers, why didn't Pud throw some banner ads up in here?

Webcams should come with breathalyzers.

Aaaaaand scene!

Sex Sells! Sex.com Nabs $14M [Red Herring]