Eric Garland, CEO of an online piracy research firm, told the Wall Street Journal Disney's investment in 56.com is "ironic" and "shocking." John Ball, Steamboat's managing director, says the company invested in part to help 56.com curb pirated videos. But 56.com is just one of six Chinese companies in Steamboat's portfolio, all of which aim to distribute movies and videogames online.

And that's the dirty secret of Disney and other media companies. They don't ultimately care about shows like Hannah Montana. What matters is their channels of distribution, through which such evanescent fare courses — and 56.com promises to be another one. Viacom isn't suing YouTube for $1 billion because it's upset about piracy. It's upset about piracy happening on a channel it doesn't own.

Slapping an infomercial on YouTube will generate far worse publicity than talking to friendly Detroit-based hacks on the automotive beat, who are every bit as dependent on the U.S. car industry for their paycheck as assembly-line workers are. The 81,724 YouTube viewers who have watched the clip are as vicious as ever, rating it two stars out of five (a mercy rating, surely), calling for GM's collapse, and decrying the notion of a government bailout. The only upside for Detroit's messagemakers: The instant YouTube reaction allows them to take their PR campaign back to the shop all the sooner.

If so, it's scant reward for America's CTO. If transition co-chair Valerie Jarrett's two-minute talk yesterday is any indicator, most of these clips will be no more exciting than a White House press release. Obama himself, though, has one of the most awesome telepresences I've ever seen. Mr. President, get yourself a bulldog and a skateboard and you'll blow Avril Lavigne and Justin Laipply right off the Most Viewed (All Time) page.

There's more than a hint of desperation around YouTube's scramble. And that's as it should be. Google, in its early days, scrambled around for a business model; at one point, it thought it might do enterprise software, which is how it ended up with Schmidt, a former computer scientist, as a CEO.

Mistakes happen.

And that's the point: YouTube needs to make mistakes, lots of them, fast. Google's advertising business is, for now, gushing cash, giving YouTube some room to maneuver. But shareholders are not infinitely patient. The more ways YouTube tries to make money, the better the odds it will happen on something that works. It needs to carefully measure what's working, and tweak its efforts. This kind of mind-numbing lather-rinse-repeat gruntwork is actually something Google is good at; feed its engineers data, and they'll come up with an algorithm for success. What Google can't afford to do is waste time chasing some impossibly elegant solution which springs, full-grown, like Minerva from the skull of Google god-king Eric Schmidt.

MacGyver will now be available on YouTube, and you won't have to watch it in frequently taken-down 10-minute chunks. Yeah, you didn't know that was a CBS show, and you didn't care. But it's on YouTube! Californication, too. It airs on Showtime, which is owned by CBS. But what it really means to me is that my Duchovny-obsessed writer, Paul Boutin, is going to get even less done. Thanks, YouTube!

Vimeo, the IAC-owned video-sharing site, is widely believed to have popularized the form. Here's their single-taker:

Digg recently imitated Vimeo; the social-news site's CEO, Jay Adelson, boogies down, but nerd superstar Kevin Rose only makes a cameo:

But the best one of all has to be AOL France's layoff video:

Ah yes, layoff videos. We'll be seeing a lot of those, won't we?

And departed Silicon Alley Insider reporter Michael Learmonth wasn't entirely wrong in his article saying that Google had nixed the idea. Google and YouTube won't necessarily be offering live streaming video to users of the site any time soon. Why, when the search advertising company is already stuck subsidizing YouTube and venture capitalists are happy to continue subsidizing sites like Justin.tv and Ustream with their own money?

Besides Peerflix, the company started by jilted MySpacer Brad Greenspan has also purchased struggling companies PageFlakes and Revver in the last year, and Greenspan made a personal investment in Flurl, but was turned away by JumpTV.

All that wheeling and dealing while not paying attention to basic operations like payroll? Flashy products and technology that may or may not actually exist? "Out of touch" sounds about right.

Greenspan and friends will probably just blame the market as management shorts employees, since that's all the rage these days. But this looks a lot like a textbook case of "excess and lack of self-discipline" to me. Who may end up the winner in all this? The Hollywood Hills Cat Burglar, who seems to have gotten away from Greenspan's mess just in time. (Photo by Getty/Alberto E. Rodriguez)

NextNewNetworks, an online-video startup better known for nerdy boy animated series and the comely political satire of Obama Girl, has been trying to break into the girly dating bracket for some time. The result: Allison's TMI Weekly. Tim Shey, NextNew's head of entertainment programming, told the Los Angeles Times:

We see it as an underserved community — young women who aren’t really reached by television. They’re watching a lot of YouTube. They care about style, tech, iPhones — how do they balance their career, their life and their relationship?

But the real draw here isn't women's "underserved" needs. It's watching these women — the Julia Allison Girl Army. They froth as sincerely as they can, but they're still doling out the same television-ready advice. Is anyone really watching for iPhone app recommendations? There'd be no show here at all if there weren't already an audience of women and men just waiting to see what mess Julia makes next. After this show inevitably flops, will NextNew adopt Allison's soon-to-be-rejected reality show, The IT Girls, and run that instead? There's a reason that Allison and friends haven't made it even onto cable yet — TMI Weekly is an apt showcase for the extreme dislikeability which will keep them sequestered to a third-rate online-video startup. But that doesn't matter for Shey and company: They can safely sit back, flip the switch, and collect.

Which, granted, has a long tradition on YouTube (even Williams has admitted to gaming his view counts in his early days on the site). How might it hurt the popular video distribution platform? But once again, it's not the kind of thing advertisers like to hear — especially while YouTube's parent company, Google, has CEO Eric Schmidt telling anyone who will listen how awesomely transparent online advertising is.

If YouTube doesn't act to stop a content partner from gaming the viewership numbers, it will have a hard time convincing advertisers to buy inventory when those advertisers feel some of that inventory is fraudulent. Especially when those advertisers can create distribute their own ads using YouTube for free and get reliable data for themselves by simply not manipulating audience metrics.

Can you spot the one that doesn't belong?

Presumably because The Weinstein Company, Moore's studio, wouldn't want to be seen as somehow legitimizing file-sharing. And it would like to keep your email address on file, the better to flog paid downloads on Amazon.com and iTunes, as well as the DVD, when those are available. But really, Moore doesn't want to make a dime on this thing. He just wants you kids to get off your butts and vote. Free Internet distribution serves his political agenda; paid downloads serve Weinstein's commercial goals. With two masters to serve, is it any surprise Moore's film is making an awkward debut?

Dear 12ers,

Fridee, Septembree 19th be International Talk Like a Pirate Day. As a community wi' members in sovereign nations all o'er th' world, we make 't a point t' observe international holidays that we can all enjoy. Nay holiday be as important as International Talk Like a Pirate Day!

Look, this be serious. We already be havin' swabbies practicin' and gettin' excited! We even be havin' son of a biscuit eater bloggers typin' about 't.

On Fridee (that`s next high tide') we be observin' this holiday in full on 12seconds. Take th' challenge as a Seafarin' hearty! Here`s a great resource fer translation. We`ll be invitin' others t' take th' challenge also as we`ll be havin' a recorder on our homepage fer visitors. So...tell yer shipmates t`come by 12seconds on Fridee an' join th' fun. Anyone who participates gets an invite t' th' site. Also, every participant in the challenge will get a special Buccanneer Award!

Other than that 'tis been a great week. Here`s some fun stuff t' check ou'...

First up, we`ve got th' scariest challenge winner ever. Next, we`ve got scary financial times as both Jacob an' Florian spend some time on Wall Street. Ben Walker wrote an entire 12second album. Nay, I be nay kiddin'. Finally, we be havin' a video that be shockin', painful an' hilariously funny.

Be seein' ye on 12seconds!

Th' Dread 12Pirates

The efficiency of communication is deeply correlated to the time it takes for data to be accessed and transmitted. Text based data will always be faster to access and transmit than video based data (not just talking the web here), and therefore will be more efficient. Text is already highly accessible and ubiquitous, and anyone who thinks video is going to replace text is not only an asshole, but probably retarded.

Chad Hurley is a douche bag who got lucky and got rich. The company he built hemorrhages money and has done nothing but create an outlet for outcasts and undesirables to communicate their nonsense in a space insulated from society. YouTube is nothing more than an expensive mental institution.

This is almost as ridiculous as when Zuckerberg referred to Facebook as an OS. Fucking lucky idiots.