Valleywag: Microsoft

RIM the next takeover target?

Owen Thomas — Fri, 10 Oct 2008 09:40:00 PDT

Shares of Research In Motion have declined from $148 to $60 in four months, falling along with most tech stocks. The difference between RIM and, say, Yahoo? Microsoft still wants to buy RIM, say some analysts cited by Reuters. Forget Google's still-not-on-the-market Android phones; RIM's BlackBerry is the only real competition for Apple's iPhone.

Like Apple, RIM offers not just the hardware but the software and services that run on top of it; RIM does Apple one better by also selling back-end servers that companies install to manage their workers' email. Microsoft is in that same business, but it's not as good as tying everything together as RIM is. The speculation is that RIM shares would have to drop to $40 or so, at which point Microsoft might bid $50 a share, or $28 billion for the company. This much is not speculation: RIM would be a better buy than Yahoo.

Bill Gates is a dick (NSFW)

Owen Thomas — Thu, 09 Oct 2008 15:40:00 PDT

A Belgian condom ad, discovered by alt-culture magazine Coilhouse, features Bill Gates as a penis, wrapped in what the ad calls an "efficient antivirus." Here's the uncensored version (NSFW):

Facebook adds subpar search from Microsoft

Owen Thomas — Tue, 07 Oct 2008 17:00:00 PDT

Forget Facebook's controversial redesign. Users of the social network have something new to complain about: third-rate Web search, provided by Microsoft. The two moves are connected; when ad-hating CEO Mark Zuckerberg forced through the revamp of Facebook's profile pages, he bumped Microsoft-sold banners off of them. To make Microsoft whole, Facebook agreed to a search-advertising deal. You know it must burn Facebook's proud engineers — those who haven't left — to partner with an organization that has done nothing but lose market share for years.

Microsoft makes logical business move

Owen Thomas — Mon, 06 Oct 2008 15:40:00 PDT

Microsoft's Department of Losing Money — the Xbox and Zune division — has reportedly frozen hiring. [Silicon Alley Insider]

Vista plaintiffs want to notify customers through Windows Update

Paul Boutin — Fri, 03 Oct 2008 15:00:00 PDT

Fifteen million people are estimated to be eligible for a class-action lawsuit filed against Microsoft, because they bought "Vista Capable" PCs that can only be upgraded to the most Basic version of the new operating system. I have one — it lacks a graphics card powerful enough to run Vista's slick Aero interface. I'd have to install a bigger power supply before I could add the necessary graphics card. The lawsuit's backers have a clever idea: In addition to ads in USA Today, they want to send out a high-priority Windows Update that notifies PC owners about the lawsuit, and requires them to click the notice. Microsoft says they can't identify individual purchasers well enough to contact each one directly. Too bad — they could've sent us all junk mail about the lawsuit, and we'd have thrown it away.

Amazon.com to add Microsoft OS to its cloud services

Paul Boutin — Wed, 01 Oct 2008 15:20:00 PDT

This morning, Steve Ballmer promised Windows Cloud, a set of Web-based applications that would enable "light editing" of MS Office docs and who knows what else — he didn't say. It's probably no coincidence that Amazon announced its own sort of Windows Cloud today: Customers will be able to run Windows Server and SQL Server via Amazon's Elastic Compute Cloud (EC2). Amazon CTO Werner Vogels blogged an explanation:

There are many different reasons why customers have requested Windows Server; for example many customers want to run ASP.NET websites using Internet Information Server and use Microsoft SQL Server as their database. Amazon EC2 running Windows Server enables this scenario for building scalable websites. In addition, several customers would like to maintain a global single Windows-based desktop environment using Microsoft Remote Desktop, and Amazon EC2 is a scalable and dependable platform on which to do so.

What this means in English: Companies will soon have a choice of at least two ways to run Windows-powered servers without setting up and maintaining their own server farms. Analyst Mary Jo Foley explains what this means for Microsoft:

Microsoft will be fielding its hosted development environment in an increasingly crowded space. Google, Salesforce.com and Oracle are all bidding for pieces of developers’ hosted attentions. But for now, Amazon is the big dog.

I honestly can't tell: Is a hosted SQL Server better or worse than MySQL? Where's Ted Dziuba when I need him? "Didn't you hear?" Ted replied to my plea for technical analysis. "Chrome is the new OS."

Ballmer confirms "Windows Cloud" operating system

Paul Boutin — Wed, 01 Oct 2008 11:20:00 PDT

Windows Cloud, outlined briefly by Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer at a conference in London this morning, is a separate project from Windows 7, the successor to Vista. Ballmer didn't say much, claiming he didn't want to spoil the official announcement. But he made it clear that sorry, no, Microsoft won't be moving to a fully browser-based version of its Office applications. Rather, Windows Cloud will let road warriors do what Ballmer called "light editing" at, say, a public Internet workstation or kiosk. Ballmer dubbed the concept "software plus services," as opposed to a full software-as-a-service product. Sounds like the plan is to do just enough to keep Office customers from switching to Google Docs. (Photo by AFP/Artyom Korotayev)

Martha Stewart's Microsoft-billionaire ex-boyfriend to go back into space

Nicholas Carlson — Wed, 01 Oct 2008 10:00:00 PDT

Charles Simonyi, the Microsoft billionaire who paid $25 million for a 13-day stay on the International Space Station in April 2007, plans to return on another Russian rocket in 2009, says Virginia-based Space Adventures, which didn't say how much he was spending this time. Simonyi, who made his money helping Microsoft develop Excel as well as word, had been dating Martha Stewart for 15 years before they broke up in February; he's now engaged to Lisa Persdotter, a 28-year-old Swede, according to reports. Is she more tolerant of his rocketing career?

Apple drops hated iPhone app NDA, obliquely blames Microsoft

Nicholas Carlson — Wed, 01 Oct 2008 08:40:00 PDT

Apple made developers who wanted to write applications for the iPhone sign a non-disclosure agreement that was rigorous it even forbade them from publishing Apple's letters rejecting their app from its iTunes store. More seriously, the NDA also prevented developers from learning from each others mistakes and publishers from writing how-to manuals for would-be application developers. So after loud complaints, Apple today announced it would drop the non-disclosure agreement for released iPhone software. Developers rejoiced. Explaining the need for the NDA in the first place, Apple also landed a few only slightly veiled jabs at an old rival, Microsoft. I couldn't help but be reminded of a scene from Pirates of Silicon Valley, which I've embedded below.

We put the NDA in place because the iPhone OS includes many Apple inventions and innovations that we would like to protect, so that others don’t steal our work. It has happened before. While we have filed for hundreds of patents on iPhone technology, the NDA added yet another level of protection. We put it in place as one more way to help protect the iPhone from being ripped off by others.

Microsoft now resorting to free ringtones to add searchers

Nicholas Carlson — Wed, 01 Oct 2008 08:00:00 PDT

Microsoft's Live Search Cashback program isn't winning Microsoft search market share, so the company today launched SearchPerks, a program to give users prizes for using Microsoft search. Use Microsoft search for 4 days and get a ringtone. Use it for 10 days and get 100 frequent flyer miles. Use it for 7 months and get a new xBox controller. The catch: you have to use Internet Explorer and open a Windows Live account. People don't bother bending at the waist to pick up pennies off the sidewalk anymore, so like Cashback, SearchPerks and free ringtones probably aren't going to increase Microsoft's search market share. But because you have to install something called a "Perk Counter," which tracks some of your online behavior, SearchPerks could help Microsoft come out with more studies saying how important brand advertising is compared to Google-dominated search marketing.

macbeach

Alaska Miller — Tue, 30 Sep 2008 16:40:00 PDT

Apparently there's a major financial meltdown of tech stocks happening that's going to crush the US economy. Or something. I don't know, I'm not daytrader, In fact, I only buy the stocks listed by default on my iPhone because I don't know how to add new symbols. But the issue is apparently important enough for Microsoft to weigh in. Well today's featured commenter, macbeach, has managed to notice a peculiar pattern:

The world is topsey turvey when Michael Moore, Ron Paul, and the majority of Republicans in congress agree on anything (that we should not do a bail-out).

So the question is, what exactly are the rest of you smoking?

In any event, as Ron Paul said after the vote, nothing prevents the Federal Reserve from just pumping as much money as they want into the banking system (diluting the value of the dollar). This is mostly a bit of Pelosi left-coast showmanship.

California: Please send some intelligent people to Congress for a change. We've seen the current crop for what they are.

Steve Ballmer and ex-sidekick get lowball bonuses

Nicholas Carlson — Tue, 30 Sep 2008 14:20:00 PDT

Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer and his online services lieutenant Kevin Johnson couldn't finish the Yahoo merger negotiations they started on January 31. Microsoft's annual filings reveal the pair will pay for their failure with their bonuses. Johnson, who left the company in July, was promised a bonus between 97 percent and 100 percent of his salary and will earn only 97 percent. Ballmer, who was promised a bonus between 100 percent and 200 percent of his salary, earned a 109 percent bonus. Oh, to be a mediocre CEO and failed strategist at Microsoft: Though it's down a bit from last year, Johnson still earned $6.8 million in total compensation. Ballmer pulled a total of of $1.35 million on the year and still owns billions worth of Microsoft stock. (Photo by AP/Sarbach)

Ballmer flips, admits Microsoft will take a hit

Paul Boutin — Tue, 30 Sep 2008 13:20:00 PDT

"Financial issues are going to affect both business spending and consumer spending, and particularly ... spending by the financial services industry," Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer told reporters at a news conference in Oslo earlier today. That's a reversal from his claim last week that tech sector worriers were probably watching too much CNBC. On the last day of the sales quarter, the always-bouncy Ballmer was refreshingly blunt: "Whatever happens economically will certainly effect itself on Microsoft." (Photo by AP/Erlend Aas)

Microsoft to Congress: Please get it together, you're making us nervous

Nicholas Carlson — Tue, 30 Sep 2008 07:20:00 PDT

Turns out the tech industry is not immune from the Wall Street meltdown. Apple stock dropped 16 percent yesterday. RIM, Google, Nokia and Yahoo share prices also saw double-digit drops. Yahoo shares hit a five-year low, down 10.8 percent to $16.88. Microsoft shares stayed less than five percent below the markets open until Congress failed to pass a bailout plan. The closed at $25.01, down 8.7 percent. The drop seems to have panicked Microsoft a bit, which did the only thing it could do when there was nothing for it to do: issue a statement. "Microsoft strongly urges members of the U.S. House of Representatives to reconsider and to support legislation that will re-instill confidence and stability in the financial markets," said Brad Smith, Microsoft's top lawyer. "This legislation is vitally important to the health and preservation of jobs in all sectors of the economy of Washington State and the nation, and we urge Congress to act swiftly." If it would help, we're certain Mr. Smith is willing to promise a cherry on top.

Microsoft reshuffles search again

Owen Thomas — Mon, 29 Sep 2008 15:20:00 PDT

Yusuf Mehdi, a longtime Microsoft dealmaker (read: geek who looks good in a tie), is now running marketing and product management for MSN and search. But there's still no one in charge of Microsoft's entire portfolio of Web businesses. [BoomTown]

Nokia two-timing Microsoft and Google

Jackson West — Mon, 29 Sep 2008 07:40:00 PDT

While mobile handset designer Nokia may be dedicated to the Symbian operating system, that doesn't keep company reps from attending the latest developer conference for Google's Android. And shortly after that report, the jQuery team issued a press release naming both Microsoft and Nokia as benefactors of the javascript library as a tool for mobile software applications. Who knew the scandanavian cell phone manufacturer was a polyamorist? Certainly a lot more excitement than regularly afforded to fifteen kilobytes of code. (Photo by Joe Loong)

VentureBeat loses its lone businessman

Owen Thomas — Mon, 29 Sep 2008 07:20:00 PDT

Matt Marshall, the founder of tech-startups blog VentureBeat, is a former newspaperman. As such, he's handwringingly scrupulous about his ethics. In a recent story about Glam Media's layoffs, he included this disclaimer: "Disclosure: VentureBeat recently employed a business manager who was related to one of Glam’s cofounders. However, he no longer works at VentureBeat." Why not name names?

Shown above is Jacob Mullins, the manager in question. He started at Microsoft last week, but is still listed as VentureBeat's ad-sales contact on the site. We take that to mean Marshall has yet to find a replacement.

Odd: Marshall seems eager to explain a now-irrelevant personal connection that couldn't possibly prejudice his reporting. But he's reluctant to come out and state the obvious: He's lost the only guy bringing in money for his blog. That's worth disclosing. Matt, consider this a gratis job listing.

Microsoft-Yahoo-AOL threesome just a sad, sad fantasy

Nicholas Carlson — Fri, 26 Sep 2008 14:20:00 PDT

The fantasy that someone will buy AOL from Time Warner in a complicated deal is getting even AOL CEO Randy Falco hot and bothered. A tipster told Silicon Alley Insider that Falco recently fumed, "When is New York going to sell us?" And to whom? "Sources close to AOL" told VentureBeat's Matt Marshall that Microsoft plans to aquire both Yahoo and AOL after those companies merge. We planned to give you a 100-word version of Marshall's story, but seven paragraphs in, we realized it made no sense.

Here's our theory: Some executives at Time Warner bent Marshall's ear in an effort to drive up AOL's price. Or rather, prop it up. Recent reports suggest Yahoo wants to pay $5 billion for all of AOL, only months after deal chatter put the price more in the $10 billion range. When Google bought its 5 percent stake in AOL in 2005, it valued the company at $20 billion.

G.ho.st says Microsoft stole "No Walls" slogan

Paul Boutin — Fri, 26 Sep 2008 12:40:00 PDT

This much is provable: G.ho.st, a hosted service that dubs itself the Global Hosted Operating SysTem, uses a slogan, "No Walls." Microsoft's new Seinfeld-powered Windows campaign pushes several slogans, including "Imagine No Walls." Sleep-deprived superreporter Kara Swisher tells us the G.ho.st gang claims trademark infringement on a pending trademark for "No walls." Our attempts to pull G.ho.st's trademark entry from the United States Patent and Trademark Office's searchable database returned no matches to G.ho.st's claim. Ball in your court, G.ho.st.ers — post your USPTO documentation in the comments, or it didn't happen.

Bouncy Steve Ballmer sees "buoyancy" in tech

Nicholas Carlson — Fri, 26 Sep 2008 08:40:00 PDT

Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer told a meeting of Silicon Valley civic leaders yesterday that despite Wall Street's woes, the tech sector continues to thrive. "Our industry is not immune to what goes on in the global economy. And yet as I travel, given the current circumstances, people still see a certain buoyancy in the market," Ballmer said. Microsoft doesn't report its quarterly earnings until next week.

Perhaps catching himself before he ran afoul of the Securities and Exchange Commission, Ballmer made sure to tell reporters he wasn't meaning to preview the numbers with his comments. "We are one week from the end of the quarter, so I have nothing all that interesting to say," he joked. One company we know he wasn't referring to: Blackberry maker RIM, which investors killed yesterday after it posted disappointing sales.

The geek obsession with robots

Owen Thomas — Thu, 25 Sep 2008 06:00:00 PDT

CAMBRIDGE, MASS. — With all the problems facing Microsoft, why is Craig Mundie, the software maker's chief research and strategy officer, talking about robots? Tools for programming robots were the primary subject of Mundie's keynote this morning at MIT's EmTech conference. He went on to dismiss Second Life, Linden Lab's frivolous virtual world — but thought a simulacrum of the real world might prove useful: "We think that a cyberspace representation of the physical world will be an important change in how we interact with computers." The common thread in these thoughts?

Escapism. Microsoft Research is supposed to look far ahead to the forefront of computing — but I can't help thinking this push is influenced by Microsoft's current straits.

Microsoft has foundered in trying to cajole humans to follow its will; despite its best efforts, they prefer other websites to MSN. Cajoling them to switch search engines is a fruitless, expensive task. Consumers utterly confound Microsoft, which has geared itself to sell software in bulk to PC makers, retailers and larger corporations, and let them worry about making it appealing.

Change is hard. So why struggle with human beings, and the messy real world, when you can just play with robots instead? Mundie envisions robot receptionists — the voice-recognition hell of customer service, but inflicted on us in real life, in other words. "This will change the everyday way humans interact with computers," says Mundie. Yes: Computers are making humans easier to use.

Windows Mobile update stumbles as Google phone announced

Jackson West — Tue, 23 Sep 2008 09:40:00 PDT

Just in time for the announcement by T-Mobile of the first publicly available mobile phone running Google's new Android operating system comes word that Microsoft will be delaying the release of Windows Mobile 7 for at least another six months. The new version of the software was supposed to be released shortly after the new year won't be available until at least the second half of 2009. [News.com]

Microsoft minions made to punch in, punch out for lunch, meetings

Nicholas Carlson — Tue, 23 Sep 2008 08:20:00 PDT

A company tipster tells us Microsoft is cutting costs in its Online Services group, which sells businesses productivity and CRM software as well as exchange-hosted services. "We just learned today that the company is transitioning a decent chunk of the group (100+ ppl) to hourly compensation, from our current salaried gigs," writes our tipster.

These are people that have worked in the industry and the company for years, and will now have to log our lunch hours and time spent in meetings.

A Microsoft flack issued a nondenial when we reached the company, only saying: "We are not commenting on rumors or speculation about the 100 employees who were allegedly switched from salary to hourly wages." Which is funny, because in the same email, the flack was happy to comment on "rumors or speculation" regarding the nondeparture of MSN executive producer Jeff Dossett. (Photo by »Philo)

Windows 7 will dump desktop apps for downloaded versions

Paul Boutin — Mon, 22 Sep 2008 20:28:47 PDT

The next version of Windows after Vista won't include Windows Mail, Windows Photo Gallery, and Windows Movie Maker. Instead, Microsoft will offer the Windows Live versions of these apps as optional downloads. Brian Hall, the general manager for Windows Vista, told CNET late Monday that "Microsoft made the decision to remove the tools from Windows for several reasons, including a desire to issue new operating system releases more quickly. The move also removes the confusion of offering and supporting two different programs." It also puts Microsoft in more direct competition with popular cloud-based apps like Google Docs, Adobe Photoshop Express and Yahoo's Jumpcut movie editor. Don't get the idea that all Windows apps will be Web-based, though. You'll still have to pay for desktop versions of MS Office and Outlook, Redmond's real moneymakers.

Microsoft hires social network wonk, lets her keep her Mac

Melissa Gira Grant — Mon, 22 Sep 2008 13:40:00 PDT

The 2.0 crowd's favorite social media academic, Danah Boyd — she types it as "danah boyd" because it looks prettier — is going over to Microsoft's newest research team in Boston (read: Harvard and MIT.) She's already done research at both Yahoo and Google, so the move makes sense. Even though Boyd once likened Microsoft to Germany:

They did some pretty evil things a while back but you don't remember the details, you just know that you really hate them.

Boyd, who links to that old line in her 1,700-word announcement of her new gig with Microsoft, seems preemptively defensive about her new employer. But it's charmingly honest, like Microsoft's other notorious Web celeb hire, Robert Scoble, who kept up his superprolific rep by being first to congratulate her.

(Photo by Joi Ito)

Forget Yahoo, Microsoft buys more Microsoft

Nicholas Carlson — Mon, 22 Sep 2008 09:20:00 PDT

Microsoft wanted to buy Yahoo for around $40 billion. That didn't work. Microsoft now plans to spend that much buying back stock, while it also increases its shareholder dividend by 18 percent. The company will take on as much as $6 billion in debt to pay for the buyback, which seems to rule out any major acquisition in the near term. Conveniently, the buyback also helps Microsoft founder Bill Gates with one of his biggest problems: selling his $20.3 billion stake in Microsoft in order to fund his nonprofit without killing the company's stock price.

Gates sold $350 million worth of shares in August and $2.54 billion worth in 2007, but even at that rate the 52-year old will sell his last Microsoft share right shortly after he's eligible for Social Security, the New York Post reports. Microsoft began a $30 billion stock buyback program in 2004, eventually increasing that round of repurchases to $40 billion.

Microsoft's agency, spokespeople love their Apple products

Nicholas Carlson — Mon, 22 Sep 2008 07:20:00 PDT

Ad agency Crispin Porter + Bogusky made Microsoft's "I'm a PC" ads using Macs, according to a Flickr user who downloaded an image version of the ad from Microsoft's web site and perused its meta data. After Digital Daily posted the news, a Microsoft flack confirmed the news and said: "Agencies and production houses use a wide variety of software and hardware to create, edit and distribute content, including both Macs and PCs." Along with its ad agency, Microsoft's spokespeople in the "I'm a PC" campaign are also proud Apple product owners.

Comedian Jerry Seinfeld used to include a Mac on the set of his sitcom and even appeared in an Apple ad once. Deepak Chopra wrote on the Huffington Post about how he prefers the iPod to nuclear weapons. A geek at an airport made a deep connection with Eva Longoria when he spotted her MacBook. Pharrell Williams encases his iPhone in gold. And finally, I heard Trig Palin tried to sell his iPod Shuffle on eBay, but failed and had to sell it off-line for a loss.

You don't have to be crazy to join Yahoo right now -- it just helps

Nicholas Carlson — Mon, 22 Sep 2008 07:00:00 PDT

Earlier this year, MSN exec Jeff Dossett climbed to the summit of Mount Everest in order to bring attention to the problem of AIDS and HIV in Africa. But now he's doing something really crazy. Dossett quit Microsoft last week and likely plans to join Yahoo, BoomTown reports. BoomTown's Kara Swisher notes that Dossett might be going because he's an old friend of fellow ex-Microsoft exec and new Yahoo exec Joanne Bradford. It's unclear what Dossett will do at Yahoo. At MSN, Dossett's job description labeled him as "the lead for audience, content and programming strategy and execution in the U.S," but apparently that was just his latest gig in a long line of online sales and strategy positions.Update: Dossett is not actually leaving Microsoft at all, Valleywag has now learned. That'd be crazy.

Microsoft research finds Microsoft ads better

Nicholas Carlson — Fri, 19 Sep 2008 15:20:00 PDT

Microsoft's never going to win in search, right? Its only hope against Google is that marketers will decide that search ads aren't worth the money. Microsoft has new research out which purportedly shows that Internet users exposed to both search and display ads are more likely to purchase an advertiser's product than Internet users who only clicked on a search ad. The research comes from the Atlas Institute. Guess who that is?

It sounds like an objective source because it has "institute" in its name. In fact, the Atlas Institute is part of AtlasDMT, which is Microsoft's ad-serving subsidiary. Conflicts of interest aside, the research won't make marketers value Google search advertising any less. Search advertising isn't supposed to convince anybody to buy anything; it's just a tool to make sure potential clients can find your products easily. WPP exec Jennifer Zola told the Wall Street Journal, "Search is still just as powerful. But things like display that looked really bad before aren't as bad. Now we can prove it."

Microsoft's new "I'm a PC" commercials want you to "Think Different"

Nicholas Carlson — Fri, 19 Sep 2008 07:00:00 PDT

Microsoft and agency Crispin Porter + Bogusky's post-Seinfeld ads are out and we've embedded them below. They start with a guy who looks just like the actor who plays PC in Apple's Mac vs. PC ads saying "I'm a PC and I've been made into a stereotype." Then the commercials cut to shark-hunting adventurers, African teachers, graffiti artists, minor celebrtities and astronauts all also saying "I'm a PC." Then a voice-over begins: "Here’s to the crazy ones. The misfits. The rebels. The troublemakers. The round pegs in the square holes. The ones who see things differently." Well, not actually. But Microsoft made billions copying Apple's operating system and its clearly decided to make more copying Apple's "Think Different" ad campaign — so why not just be out with it?

Microsoft's new "I'm a PC" ad.

Apple's original "Think Different" ad.

Microsoft looks for its own Sarah Lacy

Owen Thomas — Thu, 18 Sep 2008 16:20:00 PDT

If you can't hire a star, why not one of her best girlfriends? We hear Microsoft has poached BusinessWeek reporter Catherine Holahan for a new online-video project — MSN's answer to Yahoo Finance's Tech Ticker stocks show, which features Sarah Lacy, Holahan's former colleague at BusinessWeek and a close friend. (The two were rarely apart when they attended the SXSW conference where Lacy infamously interviewed Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg.) Lacy's known for her va-va-voom Diane Von Furstenberg wardrobe on Tech Ticker. But from the looks of some of her BusinessWeek videos, Holahan prefers a more informal look. Honestly, Catherine: Was a tank top the best look to go for, even when talking about as light a subject as Web widgets?

IE 8: Melts in your PC, not in your glass

Jackson West — Thu, 18 Sep 2008 16:00:00 PDT

"It pretty much is a perfect analogy. It's functional, rational and logical. But it looks like shit and I don't get it." So says photographer eyeliam of the carved-ice vodka tap at Microsoft's Web 2.0 Expo party last night. Care to improve the headline? Write a new one in the comments and we'll replace it with our arbitrarily-determined winner. TimsBoot won yesterday with "Who do I have to 'tweet' to get a free drink around here?" (Photo by eyeliam)

Microsoft ad agency confirms: New Seinfeld ad produced, yet not running

Owen Thomas — Thu, 18 Sep 2008 11:20:00 PDT

The doublespeak coming from Microsoft and its ad agency, Crispin Porter & Bogusky, in the wake of its "icebreaker" ad campaign featuring Bill Gates and Jerry Seinfeld, is amazing. Yesterday, Valleywag learned that Microsoft PR was revving up a spin campaign to go along with the ad campaign. Its aim: To make sure no one interpreted its shift to a series of anti-Mac ads as an abandonment of the Seinfeld spots. But Crispin Porter tells Gizmodo that it did, indeed, have another Seinfeld and Gates spot already produced. It's just not scheduled to air. Anytime. As of yet. It could air. Some day. If Microsoft wants it too. So does this mean Seinfeld will return? As a Microsoft flack told us yesterday, "possibly" and "potentially."

Yahoo dominates Sarah Palin's email contact list

Nicholas Carlson — Thu, 18 Sep 2008 08:00:00 PDT

Sometimes I hear people ask: "Who uses Yahoo Mail anymore?" The answer, of course, is just about everybody. ComScore puts the number at around 260 million people — far more than Google's 90 million. But statistics can feel abstract. Now that a 4chan reprobate has hacked into Alaska governor and "average hockey mom" Sarah Palin's private Yahoo email account and discovered, among other things, her contact list, we have a more concrete demonstration of Yahoo's dominance of Palin's decidedly down-home demographic. Here is a list contains six Yahoo addresses, an AOL address, a Hotmail address and exactly zero Gmail addresses.

Sarah Palin's contact list:
Beth Leschper (Beth Leschper SOA) [Edit]
[redacted]@alaska.gov
Blanche Kallstrom (Blanche) [Edit]
[redacted]@starband.net
Bristol Palin (Bristol) [Edit]
[redacted]@hotmail.com
Chuck Heath (Chuck) [Edit]
[redacted]@yahoo.com
[redacted]@yahoo.com (Todd) [Edit]
[redacted]@yahoo.com (Frank) [Edit]
Heather Bruce (Heather) [Edit]
[redacted]@gci.net
[redacted]@alaska.gov (Ivy SOA) [Edit]
[redacted]@yahoo.com (Ivy Personal) [Edit]
Judy Patrick (Judy Patrick) [Edit]
[redacted]@mtaonline.net
[redacted]@alaska.gov (Kris Perry SOA) [Edit]
[redacted]@yahoo.com (Kris Personal) [Edit]
[redacted]@yahoo.com (Molly) [Edit]
Roseanne Hughes (Roseanne Hughes SOA) [Edit]
[redacted]@alaska.gov
Sally Heath (Mom) [Edit]
[redacted]@mtaonline.net
Sean Parnell (Sean Personal) [Edit]
[redacted]@alaska.com
Sharon Leighow (Sharon SOA) [Edit]
[redacted]@alaska.gov
[redacted]@aol.com (Sharon Leighow Personal) [Edit]
Track Palin (Track) [Edit]
[redacted]@hotmail.com

Eva Longoria, John Hodgman clone lead Seinfeld replacements at Microsoft

Nicholas Carlson — Thu, 18 Sep 2008 07:20:00 PDT

With Jerry Seinfeld gone, Microsoft's new ad campaign will become an aggressive response to Apple's Mac vs. PC ads, with actress Eva Longoria, singer Pharrell Williams, author Deepak Chopra and a slew of what the New York Times calls "everyday PC users, from scientists and fashion designers to shark hunters and teachers," proudly proclaiming "I'm a PC." In one ad, a Microsoft engineer who looks like John Hodgman, the actor who plays PC in Apple's commercials, will the commercial: "Hello, I’m a PC, and I’ve been made into a stereotype.”

Experts told the New York Times the campaign reminds them of how rental car company Hertz finally responded to Avis's slogan "We’re No. 2. We try harder," with a campaign that declared: “For years, Avis has been telling you Hertz is No. 1. Now we’re going to tell you why.” But for me, it just brings to mind that old clip of an angry Larry Ellison responding to a reporter asks him "what's new about what Microsoft's doing." "What's new is nothing's new," Ellison says.

(Photo by AP/Pizzello)

Top Yahoo brain snubs Facebook for Microsoft

Owen Thomas — Wed, 17 Sep 2008 16:20:00 PDT

Qi Lu, Yahoo's top search scientist, has been rumored to be leaving the company since June. But he's only just recently disappeared from Yahoo's list of top executives. We hear he's taking a job at Microsoft. Microsoft, the land where Web talent goes to die?

Yes, Microsoft. The software house is desperate to catch up with Google, and Lu was one of Yahoo's few standout talents. Nevertheless, Lu's rumored choice of employer is surprising. Kara Swisher spotted Lu dining with David Sze, a partner at Facebook investor Greylock Capital. At the time, she speculated that Lu might take a cushy entrepreneur-in-residence gig at Greylock — or fill the empty CTO spot at Facebook.

The fact that Facebook has yet to name a new CTO suggests they were holding out hope of landing Lu. For Lu to pass on the job would be telling. A year ago, Facebook could hire anyone it wanted, and they wouldn't have spent months dithering. if Lu takes Microsoft's job offer, it will show that Mark Zuckerberg's engineers-first culture at Facebook is fading fast.

Microsoft announcement tomorrow: No more Seinfeld ads!

Owen Thomas — Wed, 17 Sep 2008 15:40:00 PDT

Remember those awful Microsoft ads with Jerry Seinfeld and Bill Gates? Well, now you can forget them. Microsoft flacks are desperately dialing reporters to spin them about "phase two" of the ad campaign — a phase, due to be announced tomorrow, which will drop the aging comic altogether. Microsoft's version of the story: Redmond had always planned to drop Seinfeld. The awkward reality: The ads only reminded us how out of touch with consumers Microsoft is — and that Bill Gates's company has millions of dollars to waste on hiring a has-been funnyman to keep him company. Update: In a phone call, Waggener Edstrom flack Frank Shaw confirms that Microsoft is not going on with Seinfeld, and echoes his underlings' spin that the move was planned. There is the "potential to do other things" with Seinfeld, which Shaw says is still "possible." He adds: "People would have been happier if everyone loved the ads, but this was not unexpected." Update: CPB confirms that Seinfeld spots already in the can will not be aired.

Facebook's Brandee Barker hides from camera while denying Microsoft buyout

Nicholas Carlson — Wed, 17 Sep 2008 14:00:00 PDT

BoomTown's Kara Swisher went to Palo Alto’s MacArthur Park restaurant for a luncheon hosted by Germany’s Hubert Burda Media yesterday, the organizers of the DLD conference. A target of her shaky videocam work: Facebook flack Brandee Barker, who hid behind a fern. Asked if Microsoft was buying Facebook, Barker shouted, "Never!" Brave words, if not exactly consistent with Facebook's fiduciary duties to shareholders to consider all reasonable offers. Besides Barker, Swisher captured Silicon Valley figures like nerd chanteuse Randi Zuckerberg; Wired writer Steven Levy, fresh from his fly-on-the-wall writeup of the making of Google's Chrome browser; and layoff-happy Loic Le Meur. The crowd is shown descending into a happy drunkenness, giggling about Wall Street all the way down. After the jump, the full clip and a guide to the best moments:

0:55 Loic Le Meur is worried about the economy.
1:14 Brandee Barker hides behind a fern, says Facebook will never sell to Microsoft
2:30 BillShrink’s Peter Pham says a lot of startups are going to go under
2:36 Randi Zuckerberg wants you to register to vote
3:32 Steven Levy says the arrow points no where but up
5:43 Israeli superinvestor Yossi Vardi says that Lehman Brothers stock isn't worth as much as World of Warcraft shields.

The search engine wars in rhythm and rhyme

Jackson West — Wed, 17 Sep 2008 12:40:00 PDT

Pantless Knights Productions, the folks who brought you last year's sketch rap hit "Mac or PC," have released a new project — the Search Engine Rap Battle. Think Eminem's 8 Mile but with MC avatars for Microsoft, Yahoo and Google. Some of the rhymes, like MSN's takedown of Google at the end of the clip after the jump, are actually hilarious: "You might have users, but they'll soon be leavin ya / Cuz your search results say search Wikipedia." Even better are the costumes: Live Search in a skintight butterfly unitard, the Google propellerhead on a Segway and a rootin', tootin' cowboy from Yahoo. Instead of bribing people to use and promote Live Search or spending $300 million on meaningless television ads to "start a new kind of conversation," Microsoft should just hire these kids.

Cray's new supercomputer runs ... Windows?

Paul Boutin — Tue, 16 Sep 2008 10:40:00 PDT

Cray, the supercomputer company once known for hand-tweaked $8 million machines, now ships a $25,000 model, the CX1, that ships with either Microsoft HPC Server 2008 or Red Hat Enterprise Linux pre-installed. Cray claims its Wintel machine "combines the power of a high-performance cluster with the affordability, ease-of-use and seamless integration of a workstation." Computer-aided simulations estimate that founder Seymour Cray is currently spinning upwards of 162,000 RPM in his grave.