"Did Google use its network of online services to silence critics of Barack Obama?" asks New York Times reporter Miguel Helft today, in what reads like the Gray Lady's attempt to do Valleywag-style gossipmongering. There's something very wrong with the post: Read it and see if you think Helft believed for a minute that any Google employees deliberately and maliciously turned off a few Google-hosted blogs supporting Hillary Clinton and John McCain.

No, it reads like a classic IT malfunction. Second-tier bloggers were accidentally identified as splogs — spam blogs — and disabled. At worst, Google's computers were fooled by Obamatards who maliciously flagged other candidates' sites en masse as "objectionable," triggering an automated shutoff. That's a good enough story that it doesn't need to be wrapped in a far more serious pretend charge. Google silencing Obama critics? If Times editors thought for a moment it had really happened, the story wouldn't be on the Bits blog. It would be on Page 1.

After two years of playing footsie with Valleywag, I've finally been hired full time to write for what these kids call The Olds — that means winning over Fleetwood Mac fans and Fortune subscribers. Waist-high ace reporter Kara Swisher goaded me to start my first full day today with a journalistic "disclosure" statement like hers. She assured me that coming clean of my conflicts of interest would assuage Internet geezers suspicious of eww bloggers. Ok, but just this once. I hate journalism about journalism, plus I need to get back to nagging Arnel Pineda for an interview.

• Like Kara, I have an overachieving wife with a real tech job — she's a vice president at Splunk. California's trophy-spouse-friendly property laws award me exactly half of Christina's stock earned during our marriage. Even if she dumps me. Has that colored Valleywag's coverage of Splunk CEO Michael Baum? Of course it has. I'm sure passive-aggressive Valleywag chief Owen Thomas will do his best to keep me worth 50 percent of nothing for as long as possible so I can't afford to quit on him.
• Wired editor Chris Anderson, whom I think the world of even though he fired me once, offered stellar advice: "Let others take the cheap shots." Way to spoil my fun again, Chris, but you're right. I'm going to push everyone here to step up to our motto, "Valleywag will never stab you in the back. We'll stab you in the face." If we ever write about you, it'll be so deservedly true that you'll pine for the days of the cheap shots.
• Dear corporate spokespeople: Standard public relations procedure in the Valley is to blow off reporters who seek your boss to confirm a totally-true rumor with the canned statement, "Mr Founderbot is traveling and cannot be reached for comment." It's the worst lie imaginable. A high-tech CEO who can't be reached. Many traditional news publications' rules require them to quote this bullshit. I'll just post my story. Traveling Man can add a comment if he ever comes back.
• Valleywag's ethics rules are on a wiki. I'll stop there.

The process is ably helped along by the Wall Street Journal, which breathlessly and inaccurately describes Glam both as a network with "450 partner sites" and as a destination site, in fact "the most popular women's site in the U.S." By glossing over the difference between a low-margin ad network and a Web publisher, the Journal serves as a mouthpiece for Glam's slick chairman and CEO, Samir Arora, who ends the article with a self-serving quote: "This will be the year that Glam goes global." Has he run out of suckers domestically so soon?

Wired cofounder Louis Rossetto explained in the magazine's 15th anniversay issue:

Faced with fierce competition for those eyeballs, Old Media is hawking the apocalypse: The world is inundated by war, poverty, destruction, fascist Republicans! It's about to be swept away by tidal waves unleashed by melting polar ice caps! More on how this is humanity's own fault — after the break.

An article on Friday about CBS's $1.8 billion deal to buy CNET Networks misstated, in some copies, the color of the sneakers worn by Quincy Smith, president of CBS Interactive, in an appearance last week at the network's upfront presentation for advertisers. As an accompanying picture showed, they were dark-colored — not his trademark white ones.

Lucky Lessin. He's also the son of Bob Lessin, a former vice chairman of Smith Barney and Jefferies & Co. turned angel investor. Both are Harvard graduates, and the Lessins have given generously to Harvard.

There's absolutely no reason to believe Vascellaro influenced Vara to write about Lessin. Indeed, there's no reason for higher-ups at the Journal to look askance at the relationship, and shame on them if they do. But it's hard to imagine Lessin came to Vara's attention otherwise. Vascellaro, too, is a Harvard graduate. And gaining connections in influential places is what going to a school like Harvard is all about. Vara's article didn't mention that.

The sort of resourcefulness, perhaps, that has a writer like Maney plumbing the shelves of juvenile nonfiction for recycled material. The third-world prison bit has also been reported in the New York Post, the U.K.'s Observer, Playboy, and even Wired, which is, like Portfolio, published by Condé Nast.

We've been known creative tagging for comedic purposes ourselves, but in this case, doth Wired protest too much? Perhaps so. Asked if "ButtMunch" was Wired's internal nickname fro Arrington's site, business editor Dylan Tweney said, "I don't think it has come into general usage around the Wired.com office. We can always hope, though."

Lacy, we hear, has a book coming out next week, full of Valley-insider secrets. But she finished writing it long ago. There's no longer any point in hoarding the gossip she gathers. Sarah, here's a suggestion: Please write a post telling us 10 other things nobody knows, but that you don't consider news. You might find it surprising that we find them surprising.

The thrust of the article: Partners are developing applications for Apple's iPhone, and venture capitalists are investing in startups which might capitalize on the device.

Cisco — which settled a trademark dispute with Apple over the iPhone name with an agreement for joint development — is, to no one's surprise but Forbes's, working on software to transfer files from an iPhone to a PC. As is Intel, a supplier to Apple. Electronic Arts and Sega, which make games, are making games for the iPhone. Kleiner Perkins, where partner Al Gore is also an Apple board member, is investing $100 million in iPhone startups.

But Forbes is no dummy. Apple is soon expected to announce an iPhone compatible with AT&T's 3G wireless network, which operates at higher speeds than the wireless technology the iPhone currently uses. If a friendly article wins Forbes favor from Apple, might it land an early look at the next iPhone? Unlikely, but it's worth a wave of the wand. Even one that leaves Forbes with egg on its face.

It doesn't necessarily sell more hardware but it does provide end users with a richer browser experience, said Jeff Klaus, marketing director for Intel Mash Maker, who admitted that the product is a bit of a departure for the company.

• Joe Green (top left) has raised $7.3 million for his Facebook application, Causes. Which would be more impressive had the funding not come from Peter Thiel's Founders Fund. Thiel is an investor in Facebook, and has a vested interest in creating the impression that Facebook appmakers are worth something.
• 
  
• Drew Houston (not pictured) runs a company, Dropbox, which offers online file storage, a service users can't get from anyone else. Except AOL, Google, Microsoft, and Yahoo, and a good dozen other startups.
• 
  
• VideoEgg CEO Matt Sanchez (top, second from left) tried to compete with YouTube and failed. Or "evolved," as BusinessWeek put it, into an ad network for Flash games, a crowded field that so far has garnered VideoEgg gross revenues of $300,000 a month. The magazine lauded Sanchez for raising $27 million in venture funding; it should have asked instead how much is left.
• 
  
• RockYou cofounder Jia Shen (bottom left) launched his widget startup while working for another company, Iconix, according to IM chats produced in court. He and cofounder Lance Tokuda settled a lawsuit with iconix last year. They're now trying — so far unsuccessfully — to raise another round of venture funding, or sell the company.

We hear Clarium's holdings are up 30 percent in a year, from $3 billion to $5 billion. For hedge funds, the standard deal is that the managers keep 20 percent of profits, which means Thiel's take would come to $400 million. Has anyone on Wall Street been posting those kinds of numbers lately?

Owen Thomas, the managing editor of Valleywag, has a succinct way of summarizing his editorial philosophy. "Is there anybody I haven't offended?" he asked. Probably not. San Francisco-based Valleywag, a blog that bills itself as a "tech gossip rag," delights in exposing Silicon Valley's pompous and hypocritical icons and publicity-hungry wannabes. "Silicon Valley is built on delusions. You don't have to be a hateful person to report the truth. Some people say Valleywag will stab you in the back. That's a lie. Valleywag will stab you in the face. We say what's necessary."

The Pulitzer Prize is a curious award to seek. It rewards obtuse articles on public policy, favoring newspapers with expansive Washington bureaus and reporters with D.C. connections. That's not a game that pageview-seeking online reporters particularly care to play. But if they did? They wouldn't likely win. Consider a list of online stories some sources suggested as Pulitzer-worthy:

• Matt Drudge's breaking of the Newsweek spike of Isikoff's Bill Clinton/Monica Lewinsky story


• Charles Johnson of Little Green Football's debunking of the George Bush Air National Guard memos


• The Smoking Gun's debunking of author James Frey's memoir


• Joshua Micah Marshall of Talking Points Memo's reporting on the U.S. attorney-firing scandal

Marshall's post comes closest; it won him a Polk award. But online reporters would do well to ignore the Pulitzers, rather than froth about their exclusion. They can reach an audience far larger than a parochial newspaper. And if they do manage to influence policy with their reporting? That in itself should be the prize.

• Sugarlump: At 24th and Bryant, it's not on the fancy side of Mission, but it's packed with thrifted mid-century design furniture and has lots of available seating and power outlets. Plus, the Taqueria San Francisco burritos are better than those at yuppified Papalote, and the Tortas Picayudos are to die for.
• Caffe Roma: This North Beach locale is a haven for local politicos. Just this morning hunky god-mayor Gavin Newsom dropped by to put his hair on a morning segment with local gossip columnist Phil Matier. Couldn't care less about the likes of Newsom, former state assembly candidate Joe Alioto Veronese or supervisor Aaron Peskin? Then come hang out with Valleywag — we're regulars, too.
• Blue Bottle Cafe: Located near SoMa and the Financial District, it's arguably the best coffee in The City. There's no free Wi-Fi inside, and the limited seating and noisy space aren't optimal for working. But there is Wi-Fi in Mint Plaza, along with plentiful outdoor seating for blogging al fresco. Though the Times Dining & Wine section may have ruined it already.
• Piccino: This small corner cafe in the Dogpatch off Muni's T-Third Street line also serves Blue Bottle, and will also prepare it in individual drip portions. Plus they have good food and outdoor seating. A favorite amongst the vaguely employed contractors at the Hat Factory, another trend the Times is behind.

Have suggestions for the reporters at the Times technology section? Leave 'em in the comments. (Photo by Bill S)

• 1. InfoWorld claims Microsoft bought Yahoo. The respected tech trade's article is so straight-faced and credible that other journos weigh in seriously on the deal.
• 2. CollegeHumor.com serves up a single parody MySpace page. Way to take a vacation today, lusers.
• 3. CNET publishes the Urlrurl hoax we refused to run, plus a hoax about Intellipedia wars. What else should we not believe on CNET today?
• 4. Gawker Media publisher Nick Denton announces the sale of neo-feminist site Jezebel to Conde Nast, and Jezebel introduces new rich-brat editors from the midtown Manhattan world its readers loathe. Can't you just feel Big Nick's love for his female readers?
• 5. Larry Brin and Sergey Page call for 30-second YouTube auditions from people who want to settle the planet Mars as part of a Google/Virgin project. Instead of producing slick hoax videos, why don't you guys go build some real rockets?

By sheer noncoincidence, Westheimer will be pitching his startup at a tech meetup in New York tonight. We wonder who's the sucker here — hapless Web readers, or the reporters who lined up to trick them and boost Westheimer's profile for the day? We suggest you check how dutifully each participant repeats Westheimer's list of "talking points" in his email below. Then ask yourself how this differs from the way they cover startups on any other day of the year.

The Post:

Microsoft has been so cagey about the candidates it plans to nominate to Yahoo!'s board that speculation is mounting that the software giant actually doesn't have anyone lined up.

The Post:

The word on Wall Street and in technology circles is that the Redmond, Wash.-based company has had a list of candidates drawn up since early March, but that the company is having difficulty getting people to sign on.

The Post:

The deal is seen as a make or break deal for Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer, who has staked both his reputation and the company's ability to do battle with Web titan Google.

The Post:

Other sources familiar with the matter dispute that Microsoft is having trouble putting its slate together, noting that the company has signed up 10 board candidates and two alternates and is ready to pull the trigger on nominating them if and when it has to

Get your highly-paid keisters into a meeting room. Order some takeout. Lock the doors. And work this out yourselves.

News Corp. made a deal with Digg.com at the end of last year. Users who click through to a WSJ.com story from Digg get to bypass the pay wall entirely. Similarly, when users click through from sites like Google News and Drudge Report, the pay wall is skipped.

Why do this? By making it easier for casual readers to find Journal articles, Murdoch gets more readers. If they like what they see, they can get all the WSJ content they want for a modest fee — and it's likely cheaper than all the direct-mail come-ons the Journal's circulation department is used to mailing. Murdoch gets to have his cake and eat it too. The Financial Times did something similar last year when it allowed readers to get 30 articles a month free before forcing them to cough up some dough.

The scheme falls apart, though, if people just read WSJ.com for free because they can. Courtesy of Manjoo, here's how:

• Search for the headline of the story you want in Google News. Frequently the story will already be there and clicking the search result will get you to the full story.

• If you're using Firefox, download the refspoof add-on. It allows you to fake out the WSJ into thinking you've clicked a link on Google News or Digg. Last year, Digg and the Wall Street Journal formed a partnership where any WSJ story that gets linked on Digg bypasses the pay-wall. By spoofing WSJ's servers, you can access any story for free.

What about Salon.com, the outfit that pays Manjoo's salary? To read the deeper parts of Salon, readers must either pay a monthly fee or watch a brief full-page advertisement — known as an "interstitial" — every day. Everyone needs to make money, but it can be annoying to readers. Since Manjoo passed on telling readers how to bypass it, we'll oblige.

The quick and easy way: *bookmark this page. Hitting that link will give you a "SItePass" for the day, leaving you to browse Salon all you wish. Perfect! However you do it, there's one unanswered question: Why are you reading Salon in the first place?

*deleted:Immediately click "skip" in the top-right hand corner. You'll get a free day of Salon without dishing out anything except a few seconds of time. If even that annoys you, you can use the same techniques Manjoo recommends for the Journal's site: Search articles from Google News, or download a Firefox plugin.

And today, if Google hasn't made itself a Greenleaf-esque slave to its employees, it's at least a cruise director:

Kahney goes on:

The Mountain View campus is famous for its perks, including in-house masseuses, roller-hockey games, and a cafeteria where employees gobble gourmet vittles for free. What's more, Google's engineers have unprecedented autonomy; they choose which projects they work on and whom they work with. And they are encouraged to allot 20 percent of their work week to pursuing their own software ideas. The result? Products like Gmail and Google News, which began as personal endeavors.