Valleywag: Careers

Microsoft job ad baits engineers at Google-dependent Yahoo

Nicholas Carlson — Thu, 19 Jun 2008 10:00:00 PDT

Microsoft bought a full page ad in the San Jose Mercury News reading:

Microsoft has search jobs in the Valley. There are now very few companies that remain truly committed to defining the future of search and online advertising. Microsoft is one of them.

Yahoo is not, the ad implies. We totally dig the sand-kicking. The problem: Microsoft's idea of innovation — as detailed on the ad itself — is its new Live Search cashback program, which won't attract anybody but cheapskate coupon clippers — not exactly a sexy algorithmic breakthrough. Microsoft's ad, below.

23andMe looking for designer comfortable with "vague" as directions

Owen Thomas — Wed, 18 Jun 2008 15:00:00 PDT

Designers, want to torture yourself in a contract position surrounded by smarmy, know-it-all PhDs who give you only the vaguest of instructions and expect you to master the intricacies of biotechnology overnight? Lured by the promise that you might one day get hired on full-time and get stock options at a company backed by Google and run by Google cofounder Sergey Brin's wife? Unbothered by the fact that the California Department of Public Health has just banned the company's service? Then, dear visual-thinking friends, this position for a graphic designer at 23andMe is for you! The job description:

Hi guys,

Are you or a graphic designer you know is looking for contract work? 23andMe is looking for contractors. (www.23andme.com)

The basic rundown:

We're looking for a super-talented individual or group that can design stuff that is clean, friendly, and smart. (no arbitrary swooshes!) If you're not working through me, then you'll be dealing with non-designers giving you project descriptions—so it helps if you're comfortable working with a fair amount of independence and can bring your own intellect to the table.

-Create stuff that can scale between print and web nicely.
-Ability to make sweet diagrams a plus (think Wired for level of science + accessible).
-Ability to make flash animations a plus
-Ability to edit video also great
-You will probably need to learn a little about our technology along the way. Poorly researched allusions to double-helices will not cut the proverbial mustard.
-Good communicator. We are busy and can be vague (I had this when I was a contractor) so you need to feel comfortable asking questions to get you the info you need.
-Work will target a wide audience from average Joes to researchers.
-Project by project basis, most likely the work will be in marketing materials and not tied to the actual website. So think items like booklets, logos, icons, posters.
-The items being created are small in scale but in content are very complex. you'll have to get a nuanced message across that is both sophisticated and accessible.
-Potential for full-time hire if interested.

NextNewNetworks needs a CEO

Nicholas Carlson — Mon, 16 Jun 2008 08:20:00 PDT

Sometimes the best way to demote someone is to promote them out of harm's way. And so after $23 million in funding and not nearly so much in revenues, NextNewNetworks cofounder and CEO Herb Scannell says he's met with his board and decided to take on a role as chairman of the company. That means the online video production firm — probably best known for its acquired property, "Obama Girl" creators BarelyPolitical — needs a CEO. Again, revenues might help, too, but after sampling the the company's latest above, we don't recommend holding your breath.

Finding the worst-entry level job in tech: Round Two

Nicholas Carlson — Wed, 11 Jun 2008 17:00:00 PDT

We're on to Round Two in our worst-tech-job contest. We've whittled down 10 terrible gigs down to five:

Follow the link for each job to see a picture of their locations, a list of key responsibilities, first hand accounts of why each job is so bad and how much they pay. Then, come back here and vote, below.

(Photo of Arrington and Scoble by Brian Caldwell)

Pick your career poison: temporary Google database admin vs. IODA intern

Nicholas Carlson — Tue, 10 Jun 2008 16:40:00 PDT

The last matchup in this round of our worst-job tournament: temporary database administrator for Google, contracted through WorkforceLogic, vs. content acquisition intern, IODA. Given the compensation disparity between these jobs — IODA doesn't pay its interns, while WorkforceLogic reportedly pay database admins as much as $70,000 — it seems like a no-brainer. Remember, though, just because WorkforceLogic will deploy you to the Googleplex, that doesn't mean you'll ever be a real Googler. Not to the Stanford and Harvard grads munching on their Bacon Krispy Kreme burgers. At least at IODA, you'll deserve the scorn heaped on you by the paid wage slaves. Pick the worse fate, below.

Some Facebook employees consider themselves so underpaid that they resort to cheating the company, but by a margin of 60 percent to 40 percent, readers think it's better to work there than MySpace, according to our last matchup.

Pick your career poison: Facebook user operations analyst vs. MySpace customer support specialist

Nicholas Carlson — Mon, 09 Jun 2008 15:40:00 PDT

He won't sell, but can Mark Zuckerberg successfully carry Facebook through to an IPO? That's what the latest matchup in our tournament to find tech's worst entry-level job comes down to. Otherwise, the key responsibilities for Facebook's user operations analysts and MySpace customer support specialists are very similar. Even the pay is roughly the same. A tipster tells us Facebook pays its customer service reps $34,500 per year — though that number might be higher now that Facebook stopped handing $600/mo. housing subsidies. Readers figure MySpace pays $37,000. So what's it going to be? The slightly lower-paying job at the risky startup with higher upside or a gig at News Corp.'s shiniest Web toy? Vote in our poll below.

In our last match, 70 percent of you said you'd prefer to assist Mashable CEO Pete Cashmore in all his needs than assemble linkdumps for Jason Calacanis as a Mahalo part-time guide.

Pick your career poison: Part-time Mahalo guide vs. Pete Cashmore's personal assistant

Nicholas Carlson — Fri, 06 Jun 2008 16:20:00 PDT

The class of 2008 has already begun to realize the tragedy of actually having to work for a living. Cheer up, kiddos; it could be worse. You could be employed, part-time, cutting and pasting Google search results for Jason Calacanis's Mahalo. Or you could serve as Mashable CEO Pete Cashmore's personal assistant — the entry-level gigs facing off in our third matchup to determine the worst job in tech. Vote below.

When we wrote up our list of tech's 10 worst entry-level jobs, we figured Cashmore will pay his assistant around $55,000 per year. But since, we've learned that number is well high of the mark. Readers figured Cashmore will pay $51,000 per year. We've heard Mahalo pays guides between $30,000 and $35,000 per year, but commenters on our original post told us we got it wrong. Wrote Richeem:

Figuring Mahalo's current pricing for the average page, wait time for acceptance, and any other factors a "good" ptg would be lucky to make $50/day. I highly doubt they are accepting more than 5 pages per day per ptg! Specially given the fact they have 120+ pages pending review.

Readers later guessed $32,000 per year.

In our last matchup, working as a Microsoft Windows support professional handily trounced the Yahoo finance internship in our last matchup, 59 percent to 41 percent.

Pick your career poison: Microsoft customer support vs. Yahoo finance intern

Nicholas Carlson — Wed, 04 Jun 2008 15:20:00 PDT

Its time for the second match in our single-elimination tournament to find the worst entry-level job in tech. In our first poll, the drudgery of working as a Google online sales and operations manager narrowly edged out the perils of being an Amazon.com support engineer, 53 percent to 47 percent. Today's contest: Getting paid by Microsoft to take angry calls from Vista users all day, vs. fetching coffee in Yahoo's finance operations. Making the contest even harder: If Carl Icahn has his way, both might soon find their paychecks signed by Microsoft CFO Chris Liddell. Vote below.

We estimated Microsoft pays its Windows support professionals $40,000 a year and readers guessed $38,000, but commenter nosaturn1 wrote of our estimate, "pay was alot better than that when i was an entry back in 2000. better by a whole lot more." We figured Yahoo pays its interns about $12/hour or $21,000 per year. Readers figured its a little higher — more like $25,000.

Check out the key responsibilities and read first-hand accounts of both the Yahoo and Microsoft jobs, and then come back here to vote.

Pick your career poison: Google online sales and operations manager vs. Amazon.com support engineer

Nicholas Carlson — Tue, 03 Jun 2008 07:00:00 PDT

We picked the ten worst entry-level jobs in tech. Now, in a single-elimination tournament, we're going to let you choose which gig is truly the worst. Round one begins with Amazon.com support engineers versus Google online sales and operations account managers. We'll let your fellow readers advise you before you choose:

Some commenters couldn't believe we included the Google job on our list. Wrote one particularly unsympatethic commenter, Elaine Chow:

WAAAH I WORK FOR GOOGLE BUT I'M ONLY A CSR PERSON BECAUSE I WAS ONE OF THE DUMB ONES THAT COULDN'T GET A MORE 'CREATIVE' JOB WAAAH!

But another commenter, claiming to be a Google employee, explained exactly why we put the job on our list:

I'm [a Google customer service rep] and there's no opportunity for job growth. All you do all day long is customer service. In the beginning, the free food and perks prevented me from killing myself.
but now, the novelty of the cool perks is gone, and i'm left with the dismal realizationthat my job sucks. So yeah, WAHHHH I WORK AT GOOGLE AND ITS LIKE EVERY OTHER MIND NUMBING JOB OUT THERE. Plus, all the managers suck. I think more people complain about the fresh out of B-school managers — who all want to be all stars when really their only job is to make sure we're answering emails — than anything else.

No commenters defended the Amazon job. In fact, most echoed Dangster, who wrote:

These aren't valid reasons why this particular jobs sucks. I have a friend who works as a support engineer at Amazon, and his job sucks because he has to work nights, weekends, and holidays, in addition to his normal 40hr/week schedule.

Added another commenter, Edgewise: "As for the description, it doesn't quite evoke the drudgery."

We hear Google customer service reps get paid between $45,000 and $65,000. Readers guessed $57,000. As for the Amazon job, we guessed it paid $80,000; readers guessed $70,000, but a former employee who commented on the story said no one working as a support engineer at Amazon gets paid more than $60,000.

Check out both the Google and Amazon jobs, then come back here and let us know in the poll below: Which is the worse entry-level job in tech?

Guess how much tech's 10 worst jobs pay

Nicholas Carlson — Tue, 27 May 2008 17:00:00 PDT

To come up with the estimated pay for tech's 10 worst entry-level jobs we spoke to former and current employees, HR reps and friends of friends working these jobs. But still, some of our commenters expressed disbelief over the salary estimates. "80 grand for an entry level job? Time to apply and kick those whiney losers out! Let's see how they feel about their new job bagging groceries at the Safeway," wrote mwbeeler. Loakim said:

Boo fucking hoo. I clicked through about 4 of those and if they are representative, then getting paid 60-70K right out of college at an "entry" level job is nothing to complain about, regardless of the "tough" working conditions (ceiling too low? CSR work? no windows? cubicle? oh the torture!!). I spent half my life to get a Ph.D. and will barely be making that as an asst professor at a major research university.

We like our estimates, but we're willing to bow to the wisdom of the crowd, or the madness thereof. Save for IODA's unpaid internship — no point in guessing there — we've created a poll for each job. Take your best guess.

By the way, if you actually work one of these jobs, create an anonymous Gmail account — or Yahoo Mail, if it's the Google job — and tell us the real number.

Review the job's key responsibilities, first-hand accounts, and how much we estimated it pays.
Is this your job? Let us know how much it actually pays.

(Photo by eston)

Tech's 10 worst entry-level jobs

Nicholas Carlson — Tue, 20 May 2008 19:00:00 PDT

Soon America's most bright-eyed graduates will enter the workforce and make their workaday homes in cubes at Google, MySpace, or Amazon.com. And they will suffer not just the indignity of having to work for a living, but also the dispiriting realization that a job at a cool company isn't always that hot. These employers, and the others hiring for tech's 10 worst entry-level jobs, listed below, will look spiffy on a resume someday, but for now the only good these jobs promise the world is the pleasant feeling you and I can share knowing we're not the ones stuck in them.

In the spirit of full disclosure, I should note that I wouldn't have been able to get any of these jobs out of college. I didn't finish with a 3.8, do a year of service in Nicaragua or file any patents during my sophomore year. But the worst part of this list is the fact that the people taking these jobs did. To paraphrase Dan Lyons, there's something distinctly evil about the way Google and the other companies listed below hoard the world's best and brightest and put them to work on creating more efficient text ads or, worse, tasking them with taking phone calls from angry customers.

Follow the link for each job to see a picture of their locations, a list of key responsibilities, first hand accounts of why each job is so bad and how much they pay.

(Top photo by star5112)

Children of IT pros expected to take over the server-farm

Jackson West — Thu, 15 May 2008 08:00:00 PDT

Three-quarters of information technology professionals would recommend the career to their children, according to a study from The IT Job Board. However, had they asked the children of said sample group what they wanted to be when they grew up, I'm guessing "IT professional" is still well behind "firefighter" and "astronaut." "You have this idea of how your child should be and what they should like, and then they shatter your dreams when they start playing sports and getting girlfriends," writes Slashdot commenter peipas. (Photo by Jason Cumberland)

Mahalo's real talent hunt

Owen Thomas — Tue, 13 May 2008 15:40:00 PDT

Jason Calacanis is, a bit pathetically, trying to find a host for videoblog Mahalo Daily after the short-lived run of Veronica Belmont. More vital to the company's future is its search for a "seasoned systems engineer." In a Craigslist ad, Mahalo's recruiters call for candidates with experience in "massively scalable architectures." By "massively scalable architectures," Mahalo means a website which runs MediaWiki software and serves a paltry 8 million pageviews a month.

Work unpaid for the ultrarich

Jackson West — Fri, 09 May 2008 15:40:00 PDT

Looking for a job with a company that regularly throws money down the startup drain? Don't care if all you receive in return is college credit? This internship listing on Craigslist is right up your alley!

We're looking for bright outgoing college students who can identify really cool new start-up companies ... You'll get a chance to understand the venture landscape, meet start-up founders, attend fun parties and create your own project.

The company says it's located near Pier 23 in San Francisco's Barbary Coast neighborhood, which means surely one of our beloved commenters or tipsters knows the name of the company. Full listing preserved for posterity in a screenshot after the jump.

Microsoft officially hiring "Google killers"

Owen Thomas — Thu, 08 May 2008 14:00:00 PDT

After more than a decade of trans-Atlantic antitrust scrutiny, one would think Microsoft would be, oh, I don't know, subtle about its ambitions to destroy a competitor. Someone in Microsoft's European HR offices didn't get the message. A poster advertising jobs at Microsoft Europe lists, among other qualities it's looking for in candidates, the ability to be a "Google killer."

Ben Padnos proves there is life after Yahoo -- albeit in infomercials

Nicholas Carlson — Thu, 01 May 2008 13:20:00 PDT

Yahoos needn't worry about layoffs after a merger with Microsoft. Yes, they're likely. But there's a world of opportunity beyond 701 First Avenue. Just ask Ben Padnos, featured in this clip from his new site. Once one of Yahoo's top salespeople worldwide, Padnos now runs his own company — CashFlowFromCreditCards.com. As seen on TV, it's "a proven business opportunity that instantly puts you into business with some of the LARGEST Financial Service firms IN THE WORLD."

Desperate for engineers, Yahoo pays $6,000 bounty

Nicholas Carlson — Fri, 11 Apr 2008 09:00:00 PDT

Yahoo's online-advertising platform, codenamed Project Apex and now known as AMP, needs more manpower. Now a tipster tells us that management has raised the hiring bonus for new engineers on the project to $6,000. But the project's budget still needs more cash for hardware:

AMP is not a desktop app. To demonstrate its basic features AMP requires a hundred machines working together at a time, not counting the database server farms. How can they say the schedule wont slip when they have 20 percent less hardware and people they need to do the job. Working longer hours only goes so far.

One big reason they may have trouble hiring people to work on AMP: Microsoft has all but said it will scrap Yahoo's advertising systems for its own technology.

Want to write about Google for the Wall Street Journal? The job's open

Owen Thomas — Wed, 02 Apr 2008 17:40:00 PDT

Kevin Delaney, the Wall Street Journal's Google and Yahoo beat reporter, is decamping from the Valley to New York to take a deputy editor gig at WSJ.com, we hear. A perk of the job: Getting to disclose Google's business relationships with Journal parent company News Corp. in every story.

Bear Stearns crash costs 7,000 jobs, but Henry Blodget is hiring!

Nicholas Carlson — Mon, 24 Mar 2008 13:40:01 PDT

Soon-to-be JPMorgan Chase subsidiary Bear Stearns will lay off 7,000 workers. The worst of it, reports Silicon Alley Insider's Henry Blodget, is that today's tough job market on the Street makes it a particularly bad time to get laid off. Fortunately, Silicon Alley Insider's Henry Blodget also reports, Silicon Alley Insider is hiring! Where Blodget learned to describe the job market in such a self-beneficial way, nobody knows."We won't drown you in cash the way Bear would have," former financial analyst Henry Blodget writes, "but we need those same same analytical, writing, and competing skills."

Will working at Facebook blow like Google customer service? No

Nicholas Carlson — Tue, 04 Mar 2008 14:00:27 PST

Frustrated Googlers have at least one new hire at Facebook worried.

Friend of mine from east coast recently interviewed at Facebook. When we met over dinner, I asked her what dept. she interviewed at. She said the one that deals with user interaction — or customer support. So I asked her why, knowing her major and interest is math. She tells me at Facebook, within 3-6 months you move up the ladder to the position of your interest. I've never worked at Facebook or any other big corp. so I thought may be that is how it works. Now I'm not so sure after reading about Google. Should my friend be concerned?

We'd like to assuage these concerns — partially.

Why fret? Well, maybe because Facebook just hired the executive who oversaw Google's online sales and operations as its COO.

On the other hand, two reasons to lift up your chin: One is spelled I-P-O. The other? Facebook's ultimate frisbee dominance over Google. See below for a second, larger picture of Facebook's annual Games Day intramurals event in 2007. One in which Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg looks less lonely.

Facebook board member Peter Thiel seeks Christian to give away his money

Nicholas Carlson — Fri, 29 Feb 2008 09:07:24 PST

Want to work for Peter Thiel, the Facebook board member, hot-shot venture capitalist, and hedge fund manager? Thiel's personal assistant at Clarium Capital, Robertson George Morrow III — call him Trey — is sending around an email looking for the "right kind of conservative" to give away Thiel's money from his New York offices. Thiel's targeting four areas:

1) conservative political education and activism, 2) life extension research, 3) a specific strain of Christian philosophy, and 4) university life.

With a starting salary between $100,000 and $200,000 and business-class everying — "none of the usual economizing associated with nonprofits" — the gig actually sounds pretty sweet. That is, if you can embrace Thiel's necessarily nuanced right-wing politics and get over reporting to a guy whose name ends in a roman numeral. Send your resume along with SAT scores to: foundation.th@gmail.com.

Mr. Van Natta, we found you a CEO gig!

Nicholas Carlson — Wed, 20 Feb 2008 09:40:56 PST

Owen Van Natta reluctantly left Amazon.com to become Facebook's COO in 2005. What he really wanted was a CEO gig. And so after three years and a demotion, Van Natta left Facebook yesterday in order to become CEO somewhere, anywhere. Well, Mr. Van Natta, boy are you going to owe us. Here's a note we received from a Valleywag reader that's going to make your day.

Any chance you can supply contact info for Owen Van Natta - other than the main answer machine at FaceBook? We'd like to explore offering him the CEO spot at 'Smart'Alert Network.com. Thanks for any help. Bill Janis, COO: 561.[redacted]

Drop me a line, Mr. Van Natta, and I'll be happy to share the full phone number for you. We'll just say you owe me a sandwich. In the meantime, check out screenshots from your new company! It's like Facebook, but without all the blue.

Yahoo looks to undo layoffs

Owen Thomas — Tue, 19 Feb 2008 13:00:25 PST

Having unloaded itself of 1,000-some employees, Yahoo is now hiring almost half that number back. Yahoo's careers site has 459 open positions. So much for cost-saving layoffs.

Carnivores not welcome at videogames startup

Owen Thomas — Mon, 18 Feb 2008 15:30:23 PST

A job listing sent recently to an email list: "A vegetarian-owned and managed emerging sports games startup in San Francisco is looking to hire vegetarian software development interns for summer 2008." An odd qualification, but apparently legal. A recent court case in California found that employers can discriminate against vegetarians. That would imply that a startup could equally choose not to hire omnivorous sorts. One would think that the pool of candidates who simultaneously favor sports videogames and eschew meat products would be a bit shallow. The full job listing:

A vegetarian-owned and managed emerging sports games startup in San Francisco is looking to hire vegetarian software development interns for summer 2008 (and potentially beyond) who are interested in entrepreneurship and promoting vegetarianism. We were founded by experienced entrepreneurs and venture capitalists with a track record of success, and deep technical and business experience at top companies in the industry, such as Microsoft and Square Enix, as well as consulting experience at McKinsey. Our management team includes MIT-educated computer scientists and Wharton and INSEAD MBAs.
Interns will join an experienced team developing a new product that will redefine its segment in the sports gaming space.

Interns will have the opportunity to work with experienced entrepreneurs across many facets of a startup business. Roles include a breadth of responsibilities, including:
* Development in C++, high-performance network programming, and 3D graphics development
* User interface and game play design
* Unit and user testing

The successful candidate will be proficient in C or C++, creative, have a strong work ethic, and be an enthusiastic learner. This paid internship will provide significant development opportunities, as well as an opportunity to experience a broad range of roles in a startup company.

Please submit resumes and enquiries to

Tap your right foot if you want to leave Yahoo

Owen Thomas — Thu, 14 Feb 2008 16:40:30 PST

To find Yahoos ready to bolt, recruiters are taking a wide stance. Cake Financial, a startup, occupies the same building in SoMa as Yahoo's San Francisco incubator, Brickhouse. Employees at Cake plastered Yahoo's entrance and building restrooms with fliers, snaps of which we received from a tipster in the building. Wired confirms that, unlike electronic attempts to hunt down restless Yahoos with targeted ads, the restroom campaign has borne fruit in the form of actual résumés. The flier:

Jason Calacanis wants to be CEO of Twitter

Jordan Golson — Mon, 11 Feb 2008 15:00:29 PST

In a blog posting about how he was the most popular user of Twitter, serial entrepreneur Jason Calacanis says "if there was one other company I could be the CEO of (after M a h a l o) it would be Twitter I think." Jason, come up with a way for Twitter to make money and I bet you could be CEO! Incidentally, Calacanis has been supplanted by Robert Scoble as the most followed Twitterer. How embarrassing.

Gangs of Silicon Valley

Jordan Golson — Mon, 11 Feb 2008 14:11:43 PST

Gangs are using social networking sites to recruit new members. I wonder if gang recruiters have tried Facebook's new ad platform. It's supposed to be great for that sort of targeted advertising. [CBS 5]

IAC dealmaker's career founders on Digg

Owen Thomas — Thu, 07 Feb 2008 15:24:18 PST

Jason Rapp, one of Barry Diller's endless ranks of M&A execs, has lost his job. Or misplaced it, at the very least. A company press release says he'll get "management responsibilities in new growth areas" — but doesn't name them.

Rapp, described as "very sweet" by some who know him, had sticky fingers when it came to deals at the company — but he was so busy evaluating other people's acquisitions, he didn't seem to have time to land any plum deals. In particular, he kept bringing up Digg, despite a sky-high price that didn't fit Diller's bargain-bin predilections. Rapp now has to invent a new job for himself — more than a challenge, considering Liberty Media's attempt to take control of IAC. Not so sweet.

His M&A duties now go to Shana Fisher, also a senior vice president charged with M&A. But Fisher's been spending more time on IAC's online videogames venture, InstantAction.com. Perhaps Fisher and Rapp's moves reflect a reality: With the threat of Liberty hanging over IAC, it's next to impossible to get any deals done.

Microsoft and Yahoo employees eye exits on Facebook

Nicholas Carlson — Thu, 07 Feb 2008 10:20:54 PST

In November, First Round Capital VC and blogger Josh Kopelman bought a pair of ads on Facebook targeted to the Yahoo and Microsoft networks, asking "Leaving Yahoo?" and "Leaving Microsoft?" Clickthrough rates were low. Only 0.3 percent clicked on the Yahoo ads, and the Microsoft ads drew no clicks at all. But after Microsoft's recent $44.6 billion offer to buy Yahoo, the companies' employees seem more eager to leave. Now, 0.86 percent of Facebook users who saw the Yahoo version of the ad clicked, and 1.19 percent of Microsoft employees targeted clicked on their ad.

Don't everybody apply at once, now

Nicholas Carlson — Tue, 29 Jan 2008 15:40:06 PST

Iminlikewithyou founder Charles Forman needs a Ruby developer. If you already have a job, Forman writes on his blog, "You should quit." One small hitch? The job's in New York ... sorta.

You probably aren't working on something as cool as this. You probably don't make as much as I can pay you. You probably don't have a boss this good looking. We offer a great benefits package including bigotry and racism. Oh yeah - you have to live in New York City or move here or convince us to move into your apartment.

Laid off? Ask Robert Scoble what do to

Nicholas Carlson — Wed, 23 Jan 2008 16:00:32 PST

Laid off? Here's the good news. You have plenty of time to read Robert Scoble's 1,416-word post on what to do. But if your just looking for your morning hit of schadenfreude, well, then you'll need our 100-word version.

I'm here to offer some hope. 1. Don't get lazy. 2. Spend 30% of every day trying to find a job. 3. Start a blog on the field you want to work in. 4. Get recognized as a world leader in the field. 5. Learn from Loic Le Meur, consumate networker. 6. Do a video everyday. 7. Show your friends your resume and cover letter. Don't have friends? Make some. 8. Do the basics: Craig's List. 9. Take government assistance. 10. Go to any job networking session. 11. Go where the money is: Newly funded companies. 12. Work on family and health. 13. Volunteer. 14. Take help your former employer is offering. 15. Keep coming into the office. 16. Go to every business event. Hang out in the hallways. 17. Have your suit ready.

10-word version: How to look for a job? Scoble recommends blogging, videos.

(Photo by kk+)

Facebook chef job a recipe for striking it rich

Owen Thomas — Mon, 21 Jan 2008 14:27:58 PST

Remember Charlie Ayers, Google's first executive chef, who retired in 2005 after making millions of dollars on the Google IPO? All those cooks who passed on that job now have a second chance, according to Inside Facebook. After years of catering takeout lunches, the social network is hiring its own chef. With Facebook poaching so many Google employees who are used to chef-cooked meals, it's no surprise that they'd hire someone who knows how to poach eggs. But check out this curious line in the job description: "Be accountable for the financial aspects of the F&B department ensuring a profitable operation." Is penny-pinching CFO Gideon Yu insisting that employees pay for their meals? The full job description:

Executive Chef
The Executive Chef is responsible for the leadership of the kitchen by managing and overseeing the activities of the entire kitchen as well as menu development and food quality through purchasing organic products, multi-cultural cuisine, kosher foods, etc. This position is also responsible for recipes including menu item presentation, lunch, corporate, and catering events. He/She is expected to maintain high standards by establishing food specifications and adhering to those specifications via recipes, portion control, presentation, safety and sanitation. This position is full-time and located in Downtown Palo Alto.

Responsibilities:

Develop, cook, and manage breakfast, lunch and dinner for employees
Directly supervise all kitchen personnel with responsibility for hiring, training, employee development, performance evaluations, and salary recommendations
Have knowledge of food and catering trends with a focus on quality, production, sanitation, food cost controls, and presentation
Develop and test recipes, techniques for food preparation, and presentation
Must have skills in cooking and preparation of a variety of foods
Possess ability to supervise and/or assign training for kitchen staff
Possess ability to plan a variety of menus on a daily basis
Possess knowledge of food supplies, equipment and services, ordering and inventory control
Ensure cost effective production of the highest quality food
Establish, manage, and maintain all vendor relationships
Consult with Facebook's Catering/Event Coordinator on a weekly basis as well as with other departments if necessary
Be accountable for the financial aspects of the F&B department ensuring a profitable operation
Other duties may be assigned
Requirements:

4-5 years experience as an Executive Chef preferred
Independent, dedicated, and a self-starter
Culinary school graduate
Bachelor's degree preferred
Previous management experience is preferred
A high level of commitment, passion, and creativity for food
Professional demeanor
Ability to work as part of a team
Ability to read, understand, follow and enforce safety/health procedures
Ability to work in a fast paced office environment
High sense of urgency
Location: Palo Alto, CA

LinkedIn fishes for engineers on Facebook

Owen Thomas — Mon, 07 Jan 2008 11:00:48 PST

The party line on LinkedIn's competition with Facebook is that the two sites serve different markets, and LinkedIn has nothing to worry about from the rise of Facebook's popularity among Silicon Valley professionals. LinkedIn's professional focus makes it a favorite of recruiters. Except, that is, for LinkedIn's recruiters, who have been placing job ads, like the one above, for engineers on Facebook. LinkedIn's HR department, meet LinkedIn's PR department. You might want to have some words with each other.

One Laptop Per Child job posting reveals lack of business plan

Owen Thomas — Thu, 03 Jan 2008 15:40:30 PST

Nicholas Negroponte's One Laptop Per Child project has seemingly listed a job opening for a business-plan writer. It's a bit suspect: The position is listed in Mountain View, but the $100-laptop nonprofit is based in Cambridge, Mass. Even if it's just a clever joke, it does raise a question: Has anyone ever written a real business plan for this venture? From the results, it wouldn't seem so.

How to become a partner at Battery Ventures

Nicholas Carlson — Fri, 28 Dec 2007 10:20:10 PST

Think you need capital to become a venture capitalist? Not at Battery Ventures. There, you just need a working knowledge of how Google works. "Google arguably is at the center of the online advertising ecosystem," Battery Ventures partner Roger Lee told the New York Times. "If you understand how Google works and how associated business models work, it gives you a great lens to understand other advertising companies," Lee said, explaining why he recruited former Google advertising exec Satya Patel to the firm. Sounds good. When does Scoble start?

Vint Cerf reveals how to land a job at Google

Mary Jane Irwin — Mon, 17 Dec 2007 13:28:09 PST

Anyone can program, but can they dance? Vint Cerf, Google VP and Internet evangelist, says that when applying for a job, it helps if you have a special ability like "being member of an ice skating group, or having gone through vocals training, or having an interest in animals." In other words, trying to get a job at Google is just like applying to college.

It's just like working at a hip new startup, pinky swear

Mary Jane Irwin — Wed, 12 Dec 2007 16:30:58 PST

It's hard to recruit the software engineers of tomorrow when your corporate image elicits visions of pocket protectors and blue screens of death, not rooftop foam parties and drunken nights aboard a corporate jet. To stop trendy Web 2.0 startups from stealing its best minds, Microsoft is pretending its the hip company we all know it's not. Its Hey-Genius campaign, awash with hipster kitsch and perpetual MIDI noise generation, invites young geeks to tour "the-not-so-little startup company up here in the great Northwest."

Ignore the endearing Flash animations and the cloud puff creature spouting, "Genius, we love you. So we wrote you this haiku. Refrigerator," while relaxing in a jacuzzi. Once you get pas that, it's just a job site with message boards and other helpful nonsense. Bill and Steve, take a memo: Nothing about Web 2.0 is supposed to be actually useful.

Founders Fund partners hiring personal assistant

Owen Thomas — Wed, 05 Dec 2007 16:00:21 PST

Peter Thiel has a butler, and we're not the only ones who are jealous. The former PayPal CEO turned venture capitalist has, it seems, inspired his colleagues at the Founders Fund to get a bit more household help. Ken Howery, one of Thiel's partners at the fund, is seeking a personal assistant. You won't find the job listing on the fund's website — he's circulating this help-wanted by email. The assistant will help Howery and a colleague pay bills, keep house, go shopping, and do research. Want to be a gofer for San Francisco's hot VC firm of the moment? Drop Howery a line at first initial last name at foundersfund dot com. Oh, the firm's also hiring a CFO, controller, and associate. The personal-assistant job description, after the jump.

Personal Assistant, The Founders Fund
Two of the GPs are seeking a full-time personal assistant to help them manage their personal lives so they can focus on building The Founders Fund.

In addition to a strong professional track record, the best candidates for this position will be attentive to detail, respectful of confidentiality, very reliable, responsible, and organized, and OK with a highly variable schedule. Experience with basic computer software and access to a car are required.

Primary job functions will include:

* Manage personal travel.
* Manage personal calendar.
* Manage GP residence.
* Personal shopping/running errands.
* Miscellaneous research.
* Event planning.
* Paying bills.
* Misc. and other projects.

Compensation is competitive and negotiable based on experience.

Health insurance is provided.

Please email your resume for any of these positions to me or Ofa Taufalele at ofa@foundersfund.com.

Startup to hire "best software architect alive!"

Tim Faulkner — Tue, 04 Dec 2007 13:38:07 PST

Ulitzer claims it will be the leading content source on the Internet even before it launches sometime next year. Now they're hiring the "best software architect alive!" Do you qualify for this dream job? Despite being a completely unknown startup, Ulitzer claims: "By 2010, three out of five books will be published at Ulitzer.com. Time, The New York Times, and Scientific American will be replaced by Ulitzer in the next five years." True, traditional media is struggling to sustain its fat profit margins, but if you're foolish enough to think it's about to disappear, you might be a perfect match for Ulitzer. The only problem: Ulitzer's laughable hiring criteria are likely to screen out anyone with the requisite capacity for self-delusion. After the jump, Ulitzer's job listing.

Are you the person who wrote most of the Facebook or MySpace code?
Were you the main architect who converted Yahoo! code from a proprietary system to PHP?
Is your Google badge number smaller than 100?
Have you delivered a large-scale CMS on Drupal, Django or another popular open source platform?
Do you agree that CMS would be more appropriately defined as "Community Management System"?

Google's Director of Other

Megan McCarthy — Fri, 30 Nov 2007 16:41:32 PST

Unaware of what you want to do in life, but know that you want a director-level job with a splashy company that serves free food? Have we found the spot for you! Google is looking for a "Director of Other" on its corporate job listing page, and the description of the post is just as vague as their flacks' conversations with reporters.

As our core business continues to enjoy phenomenal success, our tangential efforts must equally evolve to capitalize on opportunities before us. Under the "Other" umbrella, Google aims to identify and pursue opportunities where technology can revolutionize traditional and more mature industries.