Valleywag
Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer and chairman Bill Gates have it all wrong trying to take on Google by buying Yahoo. What they really need is "an underground secret team" that works in "a new office building in Cologne" and includes " John R. Coza." Also, they need to hire "as a sort of mascot / good luck guy" bigdowro, the commenter who had this prophesy and kindly shared it with the rest of us in 443 words. It's my favorite bizzaro dreamscape since Coleridge's Kubla Khan and its pasted below.
Here is my advice... I already wrote it under the Yahoo letter thread!!! MS should start an underground secret team and kick Google's ass..(Photo by headcase)Here is a true story... I once foresaw in a dream that Microsoft was planning to build a new office building in Cologne. As Valleywag wrote that article about Bill Gates on Facebook and I did not have Steve Ballmer's email, I wrote to the email on the Valleywag blog here...
I included some topics like symbolic formula entry for Excel and other ideas to wrap it up. I really thought I had psychic abilities... I am not kidding, once I bought a DVD called Mindbenders about Uri Geller and sang the songs in the movie all my way home, or predicted trivial stuff, like a menu at Xmas at my auntie and other crazy stuff...
To put it in a nutshell, I wrote an email to Mr. Gates that he should follow my idea and create a secret task force team with the best programmer's in the world... I cited names like John R. Coza the GA-guy and other names, but I had no clue whom else.
I said: Mr. Gates shover 'em with billions of dollars; go stealth, - and if you think, take over Yahoo! as a manoeuvre to put sand in your enemies eyes, - but fot God's sake , pls hire me; and let me be on board or at least follow my plan through...
Well I gues I had overdone this, but I thought it was a symbolic dream I had...
Guess what? I got a reply from some OEM Manager I had known before; who told me about the Unsollicted Idea Submission Policy, and said I had good ideas and should study on, then I might join Microsoft one day...
I was completely desillusioned by Microsoft. Okay I might habe overdone the "I am on a mission" / "I have prophetic abilities" thing, but I swear to God it is 100 percent true. I even offered to volunteer a lie detection test... Yet I got an answer from Mr. Gates' assistant or whoever.
I don't know... I have a bad feeling that Microsoft ist going to acquire Yahoo! My idea about the above top secret task force would have been funnier and would have a surprise momentum at least. And hiring me officially at the cafeteria of an MS Office and inofficial having me on a top secret task force team, be it as the guy to organize food, concierge services, and what else the top programmer's would have needed, and as a sort of mascot / good luck guy, wouldn't have ruinied Microsoft either.
Comments
At least he doesn't post 10 times in quick succession about his blog and the Valleywag conspiracy or whatever.
Do people still shoot horses with bum legs?
best sentence: "And hiring me officially at the cafeteria of an MS Office and inofficial having me on a top secret task force team, be it as the guy to organize food, concierge services, and what else the top programmer's would have needed, and as a sort of mascot / good luck guy, wouldn't have ruinied Microsoft either."
@Nicholas Carlson: [www.nba.com]
Make it happen.
I read this three times when he first posted it. I'm dumber for the effort.
@Nicholas Carlson: Second best sentence:
"Okay I might have overdone the "I am on a mission" / "I have prophetic abilities" thing, but I swear to God it is 100 percent true. I even offered to volunteer a lie detection test..."
Something tells me that the lie detector test won't be necessary.
@NerdySomething: That is not the second best sentence. What Carlson posted isn't even the best sentence, though it's equal parts pathetic and hilarious, and the imagery of him as a mascot doesn't hurt. This was the best part, for anyone who is familiar with Uri Geller:
"I really thought I had psychic abilities... I am not kidding, once I bought a DVD called Mindbenders about Uri Geller and sang the songs in the movie all my way home, or predicted trivial stuff, like a menu at Xmas at my auntie and other crazy stuff..."
@Dweezil: There's so much good material here that it's hard to pick just one, but after re-reading all three "bests," I'd like to re-cast my vote in favor of the quote you pulled.
@Dweezil: @NerdySomething: We very well might need a poll.
You guys are going to scare him off!
This guy obviously got a poor copy of my dream and misinterpreted it.
In the original, Bill and Steve are playing in mommy's bedroom and knock over a bottle of cologne while she is at work.
They spend the rest of the day playing house and get very popular with at least some of the kids in the neighborhood. They fail to eliminate the evidence of their misdeeds before daddy gets home though and both receive a serious whuping.
I have submitted this idea to Google who have come out with App Engine in response. I'll be nominated for the Nobel prize.
The dream continues.
@Dweezil FTW
OMG, he wrote to you in a dream and YOU GOT THE MESSAGE? Scary.
INSANE IN THE MEMBRANE....
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