The first dominatrix to take me under her wing kept her dungeon close enough to the Moscone Center, but the only domina to give me a formal diploma on graduation was Cleo Dubois, founder of the Silicon Valley based Academy of SM Arts. Having a discreet, private place to indulge in SM has drawn out a decent number of Valley guys over the years, says Cleo — men who want to play, but need to keep a low profile about it. "There was the systems analyst who came to me with his girlfriend," Dubois told me, who had been begging him to spank and tie her up, but he didn't know where to start. Read on for how to get schooled yourself — the stern headmistress fantasy is hot, sure, but you don't want to actually get thrown out of SM class.

• Don't go overboard in your introduction. Pick three really hot fantasies that you want to realize, and phrase them concisely, in a sentence or two each. In a private consultation with Cleo, she'll work with you to flesh them out.

• Don't show up, unannounced, without a girl. Be honest if you don't have a lover to bring to class. Cleo won't take kindly to students who expect her to bottom for them, but in a guided play session, Cleo can partner you with an experienced submissive, usually a very cute girl wanting to learn SM herself (which is how I met Cleo). She can also connect you to places where you might meet a new kinky girlfriend.

• Don't try to take charge of the class. The standard geek response, when threatened, is to start telling other people how to do their jobs. If you try to prove your dominance, you'll get eighty-sixed fast. Sure, you might feel like an actual dork with a whip in your hand for the first time. Don't freak out — that's why you hired Cleo. Just think of her work like any other kind of troubleshooting offered by a consultant with over 20 years of experience — only she has really keen taste in leather.