There's a site for making post-its and a site for buying other people's drinks; there are over 50 sites to share videos in a safe place where no one will watch. But there aren't sites for the little things I really need, day to day.

1. A site that looks like it's doing something while I write in a Word Doc
The moment I close Firefox, I need it again, so in the rare moments I'm using a different program, I leave the browser open. But when I'm writing in Word, I can see half the browser. And it looks so ... empty.

I want to feel productive so I find a site that might take a bit of time to load, but that's always a video site and then I have to watch the video and load something else and now it's 3 p.m. and I haven't written anything.

I want a site that looks like it's doing something, something that never ends, so I can pretend I'm doing two things at once.

2. A site that tells me if all the tables are taken at my favorite cafe
Because I just loaded all my crap into a bag, took a bus to the other end of the neighborhood, and all these other twits are hogging the cafe with their laptops, which is exactly what I was going to do, but I deserve the space more, because I do better things than them. Jesus, people, get office jobs.

3. A site that tells me if it's Christmas
Done.

4. A site that redirects my drunk calls
Drunk dialing isn't solved by a phone breathalyser; the need to gabber at someone must be fulfilled. I need a service that I can call when I'm drunk, with an AIMbot and a voice synthesizer on the other line. I'll be toasted enough to think I'm talking to a sympathetic friend.

5. A site that tracks my creepiness level
I like to meet girls on Craigslist. But because I'm afraid they'll be ugly have a bad personality, I like to background-check them on Facebook and Google.

Am I allowed to friend them? Poke them? I'm a nerd — I don't know what's charming and flirtatious and what's creepy. This site would watch my online activity and tell me when I've crossed the line. And then I'd ignore it because she's so hot smart and she won't mind me commenting on her blog again.

Nick Douglas writes at Valleywag, Too Much Nick, and Look Shiny. He wants a site that he can be your friend on. If you're hot.